Why I volunteer on the helpline

As my baby turns 16, I'm still reflecting on it all :)

She's so amazing, it's easy to feel incredibly proud - of her, and of my part in shaping the wonderful young woman that she is. My best friend commented on how those early days of mothering still seem important to me, and it's true. We know those first 1000 days from conception onwards are critical in the crafting of a wonderful human being. What a privilege to do that. And what a responsibility - for lots of us it can feel at times overwhelming, that we have the primary care of such a precious creature. What if we get it wrong! Well we do, often, but usually not often enough to mess up completely.

I've journeyed well in these 16 years but even back then I was in a pretty good space to become a parent. Key for me was having built up an amazing network of people good at listening, who would give me sufficient time and attention so that despite the challenges I could get back to my sense of self that I was a good enough mother, so staying focussed on her rather than on me and my stuff :)

I honestly think that this is pretty much all the world needs - that we create enough spaces of safety where each person can talk through and reflect on the concerns in their head knowing that they won't be thought badly of, so they get to realise that they are good enough and can then get back to whatever it was they need to do.

There's many things we all need to do as well as we can, parenting is by no means the only one. Loving ourselves, loving others, this is important throughout our entire lives. Yet in my mind feeling OK about ourselves so we can parent is extra important because it's a time when the current and future mental, emotional and physical wellbeing of another is in our hands. And that is why I guess my current vocation is to offer this space to new mums when their confidence is low. A chance for them to air some of their deepest concerns so that instead of them rattling around their sleep deprived head, it can be spoken aloud and re-evalutated in the light of the evidence in front of them. Giving her the opportunity to notice where she's doing well so she can hold onto that and go back encouraged to her powerful role of nurturing a tiny human. Through being heard, her capacity to respond to her baby increases cos she's topped up her own cup of confidence again. Which means she'll perpetuate that cycle of raising another self assured person who knows they are loved who will go on to do likewise.

So as well as smothering a cake in an excessive amount of chocolate frosting, I'm also planning to volunteer on the helpline today to mark the occasion fittingly :)