Pooch pain relief

This isn't about how we experience a reduction in our pain by stroking pets (we do, obviously). It's about my poor fur baby who damaged his paw again yesterday and can't have the op to sort it til tomorrow. In the meantime I can give him a liquid painkiller with food. So when he was clearly unhappy early this morning, that's what I did.  As a believer in attachment parenting, I've always been led by my offspring and tried to respond to their needs. So probably read into the look the dog gave me, which I interpreted as "don't you understand? I'm telling you I'm in pain, not hungry!"

I'm often talking to folks about the UNICEF saying, how breastmilk is not just nutrition, but love and protection too. People sometimes think breastfeeding is just a means of delivering food, but the hormones and antibodies make it so much more than that, and breastfeeding incorporates natural pain relief so can be done whilst babies are getting their vaccinations for example. And I'm sure I've mentioned before how for adults the act of eating is like stroking our inside skin. I need to remember this tho, so that next time I get a chocolate craving I try stroking my outside skin for the oxytocin hit instead.

I'm not allowed to give him any more meds now (and no food after midnight) so it's just cuddles as pain relief from here on in. Not a bad plan really.

Why I volunteer on the helpline

As my baby turns 16, I'm still reflecting on it all :)

She's so amazing, it's easy to feel incredibly proud - of her, and of my part in shaping the wonderful young woman that she is. My best friend commented on how those early days of mothering still seem important to me, and it's true. We know those first 1000 days from conception onwards are critical in the crafting of a wonderful human being. What a privilege to do that. And what a responsibility - for lots of us it can feel at times overwhelming, that we have the primary care of such a precious creature. What if we get it wrong! Well we do, often, but usually not often enough to mess up completely.

I've journeyed well in these 16 years but even back then I was in a pretty good space to become a parent. Key for me was having built up an amazing network of people good at listening, who would give me sufficient time and attention so that despite the challenges I could get back to my sense of self that I was a good enough mother, so staying focussed on her rather than on me and my stuff :)

I honestly think that this is pretty much all the world needs - that we create enough spaces of safety where each person can talk through and reflect on the concerns in their head knowing that they won't be thought badly of, so they get to realise that they are good enough and can then get back to whatever it was they need to do.

There's many things we all need to do as well as we can, parenting is by no means the only one. Loving ourselves, loving others, this is important throughout our entire lives. Yet in my mind feeling OK about ourselves so we can parent is extra important because it's a time when the current and future mental, emotional and physical wellbeing of another is in our hands. And that is why I guess my current vocation is to offer this space to new mums when their confidence is low. A chance for them to air some of their deepest concerns so that instead of them rattling around their sleep deprived head, it can be spoken aloud and re-evalutated in the light of the evidence in front of them. Giving her the opportunity to notice where she's doing well so she can hold onto that and go back encouraged to her powerful role of nurturing a tiny human. Through being heard, her capacity to respond to her baby increases cos she's topped up her own cup of confidence again. Which means she'll perpetuate that cycle of raising another self assured person who knows they are loved who will go on to do likewise.

So as well as smothering a cake in an excessive amount of chocolate frosting, I'm also planning to volunteer on the helpline today to mark the occasion fittingly :)

a poor worker blames their tools

With such a proficient baker in the house it's been a long time since I baked a cake. When my offspring were little, I did make all kinds of reasonable attempts - I like to think maybe my girly's passion was helped to ignite by the castle I constructed, maybe I could even locate some pictures of my early creations to show you. Since I last baked a victoria sponge, the food processor has broken, so today I used for the first time some new fangled thing that offered a comedy gold moment of being unable to turn off without making it go faster. This not only turned the mixture into a scrambled egg effect but also distributed much of it around the kitchen. Unable to make it anything like the batter I remember, I put it in the tins anyway, and they have at least turned out looking like cake, tho the crumbs that came off as I peeled the lining off don't exactly taste great.

I think this is a reasonable metaphor for my journey in many different areas these last 16 years. I only needed to be good enough to inspire her, I certainly didn't need to be an expert. As technology has advanced and I've not bothered to keep up, it means that she's now much better at using that technology. I've given her space and resources to explore her interest and skill in it, and her practice and my lack thereof means she now easily outshines me in competence in this area. This is what I think a lot of parenting is all about - setting them off, giving space, then sitting back and watch as they get way better than you :)

And in other fab news, I realise I wasn't much invested in how the cake turned out whereas in the past I might have worried that a cake could in some way show how great a parent I was, or how much she means to me - all that reading on letting go is beginning to pay off :D

Rains/pours

I've spent more time than I'd like with my hand down a drain and spinning and respinning the same load of washing. But it looks like we finally got there, the drain is no longer blocked, the washing machine now gets to the end of each cycle, and the dishwasher is no longer depositing waste water under my floorboards. I'm very grateful to my boyfriend for his hours of hard work.

Meanwhile other worries have been stacking up and I was interested to note that just sorting one meant I'm back to a feeling of coping. I wonder if I have a limit like a buckaroo horse and just one too many was unmanageable?

Not long now til my girly's 16th birthday so this afternoon is cake making. Her forte not mine, I'm not going to attempt to mimic her efforts or standards, so don't expect a picture!

Doing what matters

Very busy week. But I have noticed where I have been able to be the me I want to be, and how it's actually those small moments that matter most. Addressing an envelope with the addition before the person's name of "the marvellous". Offering my fruit stash to people when I discovered they'd not eaten. Showing up to offer encouragement. That's mainly all we have to do.
Now my attention is shifting, my girly is soon to turn 16 then it's the season of Christmas preparations. But maybe before that I really need to admit that the sogginess under the kitchen floorboards is not going away. My cunning plan entails  drawing round the edges of some of the bubbles. Not to find childlike delight in a problem, tho that would be a good enough reason. If tomorrow the bubbles are wider than the pencil lines, I will have incontrovertible proof that Something Needs To Be Done.

Magic gloves

I'm going to London today. Not to meet the queen, clearly, cos that's the last thing I'm likely to be doing with my views on the monarchy. I've been nominated by my peers to go to a parliamentary reception marking the 20th birthday of the charity I work and volunteer for. And an all party working group meeting too.
It's gone somewhat chilly of late so I've dug out gloves. Several. Apart from the fingerless ones lovingly knitted by my friend ( for when I'm working from home and delaying putting on the heating), the rest don't seem to have matching partners but it's all good, I'm borrowing some magic ones from my offspring. They're an unlikely small size but magically stretch to fit. Perfect for travelling light. I love it when things seem impossibly small but actually are just right, there's so many links to non material things :-) so no matter how small our love or faith can seem, it will stretch to being just what's needed. Hurrah!

Aubergine - baba ganoush

Fab evening. As you know I am not a major cook. I do however love meeting strangers and building connections, and I love eating yummy food. So tonight's gathering was great, a whole lot of people coming together with random ingredients to cook in pairs and then feast together.
I learned how to make an incredible dish by smoking an aubergine. Yum yum yum.

Opportunity after opportunity

Still working on taking charge of my inner responses irrespective of what's going on outside. I wonder if it will be a lifetime's work? I have learned so much about myself this year, there's been opportunity after opportunity. We can learn in times of joy as well as times of difficulty, so I'm putting in a plea for more learning from the joyful please!
I'm exactly half way through embracing uncertainty now, and have a sneaking suspicion that as soon as I get to the end I'll need to start again at the beginning. I never do that with books. Much of it isn't new to me, but it seems I need to keep practising the theory!! I do know that everything is material for our own growth. The other day I was asked if something had been useful or had been upsetting. I replied that these were not mutually exclusive, that upsetting things show where I still have work to do, so it had been very useful in that respect. So I do think I'm making progress, there's just more to make! Thanks for hanging in whilst I go on and on about this particular book. Hopefully it will be worth it. One of the things I love about encouraging people is witnessing when people show themselves as more fully themselves, their confidence blooms, you can tangibly feel their contentment. I've had that with two different people two days in a row now and it's lovely to be around. So stick around, one day you'll see me hugging all that's unknown with a carefree glee and you'll be delighted :-)

Frayed

My emotions were frayed like my carpet yesterday. The holiday was great but getting back involved a return to reality and lots of mess coupled with tiredness. It's good to be reunited with the dog tho and thankfully it's a pretty quiet week so I will take things gently and one at a time (yesterday I was trying to face everything at once, never a smart move). It surprises me what a difference a few degrees makes. The apartment in Rome was set to a sweltering 22 degrees. Right now it's 17.5 here and so I'm contemplating putting the heating back on...

Home

When living in Cork I flew back to the UK quite frequently. Now however, It's been nearly a decade since I flew and I was a lot more scared than I expected. In fact the whole trip, whilst brilliant, showed me that I'm not as comfortable as I used to be, being out of my comfort zone! As a teen I had an amazing solo holiday in Egypt, and once gave a reading in front of a crowd of thousands in Polish (I didn't know much Polish, I read it phonetically). Today I had to talk myself down from feeling terrified by a taxi journey, not knowing the Italian for "slow down man, you have my family in your care!"

I know some of it is hormonal. Teenagers are more thrill seeking. I like novelty, but not thrills. And I'm glad to get back to my embracing uncertainty book, I think I need to take it to heart a lot more yet. 

The one with the food pics

One of the main reasons for choosing Italy was because we all love Italian food. Look how delicate the colour is of this pistachio gelato (catalan custard underneath).Then this is half caramel meringue, half plum sorbet.

Biscuits or pastries for breakfast. 

 We mainly had pizza by the slice for lunch.

Then a sit down meal in an evening, I thought that this would be a small side salad... 

 This gnocchi in a creamy nut sauce was delicious. Then panna cotta.  I'll holiday in Italy again!!

Big Rome

Lots of sights seen today, wish I'd had a pedometer, I definitely exceeded the target 10,000 steps (tho also exceeded recommended calorie intake. Marzipan /almond /biscuit /pastry concoction for breakfast? Yes please!)

We got a little lost in a multi storey carpark on the way to St Peters square via a park in the sunshine with views across the city.

The pantheon is huge as was this nearby, don't even know what this one was.

The whole world seemed to be at the trevi fountain, sorry if I didn't see you. I'll try and tidy up these posts when I get back home...

Colosseum

Three blogs in one day. My life isn't usually this exciting. I'm shattered now and there's still an evening to be made the most of! After the sun at the circus maximus, there were lots of people and a bit of rain at the colosseum.

We ran out of time to go inside the roma forum but saw some from outside, and maybe we will come back again. Will throw coins in the trevi fountain tomorrow in anticipation! 

Under the bridge

Kids are understandably tired after yesterday's mammoth day. Rather than get grumpy about them still sleeping and keen to make the most of the light, I took myself out whereupon it tipped it down, so I spent some lovely time sheltering under a bridge (the one far right in this picture) .

And got to enjoy views like this

And the good news is that Rome is just as photogenic after rain! 

Words don't come easy

I'm pretty good at picking up languages. I'm noticing tho that my brain is slower, and already several times I have felt completely silenced when faced with an incomprehensible question. I'm armed with a phrase book (thanks David and Katy!) and am getting by. We've managed to convey what we need to so far. I even got chatted up on the train (I found that excruciating but it's a source of hilarity for my girly). It's reminded me just how powerless I can feel when I don't understand or can't make myself understood. I remember first arriving in Cork and not being able to make out the taxi driver with his very thick accent (in fact he was the only one I didn't understand, but at the time I thought it was always going to feel like that). There's a lot of anti immigration feeling in the UK, yet I wonder how often those complainants stop to think how it might be like to be in a country where it's not your mother tongue. Pretty frightening at times. Travelling I think can help people get a flavour of what it's like to be in a place outside your usual comfort zone.
We are having a leisurely start today to give time for the rain to clear. Pics later in another blog...

When in Rome

My photography student girly has already taken a million or so pics. I've only managed a few and lots of those haven't been successful. I'm not used to sunglasses in November and coupled with turning down the screen brightness to preserve battery, I couldn't see what I was taking so it was very much point and click.

Our apartment is in the Trastevere district, not too far from the Tiber. More pics to follow, hopefully easier now we can leave cases at the apartment. We've already had pizza (mine was topped with potato slices) and gelato. Much more to come!! 

This is right opposite our apartment and sums up our trip so far, one photographing, one waiting...