lanac

I walked the canal the other way to night. This week I was on my own (well, I still had the dog, keen as ever to confuse the boundary between solid path and sink intoable water) but I didn't feel alone as I was pondering thoughts and pictures for my blog - that act of sharing means I feel much less lonely, so thankyou for being my receptive audience :) can you spot some lovely nettles,  a motorway bridge,  and the moon?

Photos not as good as the previous week, but I enjoyed the lovely light nonetheless. I do like light. I was thinking about what my favourite colour is as that's the kind of question people sometimes ask, and I'm often a bit hesitant. In many ways I'd like to say orange, but it's not a citrussy orange, and so I'm not sure how best to term it. As ever, the web has lots to offer:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shades_of_orange
and http://colors.findthedata.com/d/s/Orange
but I think the issue is that I don't actually like "flat" colours (this might not be the technical term). The whole thing for me about colours is their interplay with the light, the way they vary, their shading and juxtaposition with other colours. Their texture. So whilst I might quite like persimmon, I don't actually want to pin my flag to the mast at all. Unless it's a rainbow one ;

extra

We get an extra second today, apparently, to realign the planet or something (*I don't pretend to be a scientist, hence my proposal for solving the pool leak by using a cake tin to displace the water. It seems to have solved itself without any intervention anyway, the best kind of solution!!). Anyway, I learned we've had 25 extra seconds since 1972, so I reckon I've probably been around for 24 of those. I have no intention of wasting mine today, my hope is to fill it with joy, one second seems doable ;)

My latest aim has been to try and do one "extra" thing each day. So not the run of the mill things that always need doing like the hoovering, but maybe taking out the hoover filters to wash them - that would count. The tasks that otherwise build up. So yesterday I used a special brush down the bathroom sink plughole to unblock it, a task that had needed doing in a while. But I actually did LOADS of extra tasks yesterday: buying replacement dog throwing balls for those nicked from the front garden (note to lazy self, don't keep them there); getting round to renewing a membership that lapsed several years back; and - wait for it - booking both hotel and ferry for a summer holiday - woop woop! I'm going to be using my passport for something other than a DBS form after all.

30 degrees centigrade and if I don't go in the pool on a day like today, when will I? It was lushious :D

terrified of losing people

I wrote this blog a fortnight ago and wasn't sure about posting it. Yesterday whilst not doing anything in particular I was again hit by a wave of fear and grief that brought instant tears - it's never far away, I clearly still have much to work on.

I remember when I was at high school and an older pupil died of meningitis, and another time when a car accident killed some students. The whole atmosphere changed. At university I was shocked by a death that left me interacting intensely with people for a while after, wondering if this would be the last time I saw them. And I've never eaten spaghetti hoops on toast since the moment the chaplain came during that tea, to tell me my auntie had died (those were the days before mobile phones).
I feel I live in a culture that doesn't really do death very well. There's a famous quote from Benjamin Franklin about the only certainties being death and taxes. I'm not earning enough this year to pay income tax, but there will be death and there are times when this scares me so much. So I feel I need to keep looking at it so I can integrate death better into my living. I don't think our denial of it helps any of us.
So what is it that terrifies me? The thought of losing those I love is simply unbearable. How can I live my life if those that mean so much to me are not in it? I sometimes find the fear of loss wins, and I tie myself up in knots, knowing that I want to be grateful for the now and that its silly to waste even a moment being sad about what hasn't yet happened. And yet I remain terrorized. I wonder if its a control thing, the not having any influence over people living or dying and the massive impact of the difference between those two states. Is it to do with regret, that because I don't know who is going to die when, how can I do enough to let people know I love them, that they matter so much to me?

There's a line from a seize the day song I draw on when the fear is overwhelming, about leaving the light on. So some nights that's what I do. In the morning I usually discover I've at some point without noticing turned it off.

http://www.seizetheday.org/music.cfm?trackID=43&albumID=3&alphabet

I don't want the fear to win. But I do understand how for lots of us it can grab us and hold on tightly.

... I'm still feeling sad that you're all going to die, but there is cause for celebration today as the second fracking application has been rejected too. What with marriage equality won in the US last week too, is does feel as if sense prevails in some ways.

live music

This afternoon was brilliant, again the weather conned me into thinking there would be damp squibs when instead I got to dance barefoot on the grass.

 I was particularly impressed by a young singer from Lytham, who introduced me to an incredible way of performing solo. She had a loop pedal and so built her songs as she went along, starting by singing a line whilst strumming her guitar, then adding say a tambourine, cow bell, sung harmonies, violin. She said it was like recording in a studio but much more intense - she was ace. No one could accuse me of not living life to the full at the moment. It also contains a lot of cheese and bread. Nom nom.

overstimulated

After yesterday's overpopulation, I would have quite cheerfully stayed in bed this morning south my 'peaches for monsieur le cure' which is described as something like a feast for the senses. But in real life I was down to do the technology at church. It went fine and now its a v brief lunch before out again, this time to sing at a birthday party. Its all good :-)

what is it good for? absolutely nothing.

A powerful day. An exchange of passions - my boyfriend came with me to the Manchester breastfeeding festival and then I wept my way around the imperial war museum. I hope you can read the small print on the second photo declaring "US govt regulations prohibit the printing of obscene words." I intend to take my kids there again soon, I thought the displays on propaganda were insightful and was moved by a lot of what was shared throughout the museum.
Then on to see a pre-release showing of Tigers, an important film that reminded me just why I've been boycotting nestle for 21 years now. Bowled over to discover one of the main protagonists in the Pakistan-set film was amongst us in our audience, so great to then hear directly of his experiences.
Definitely a day for helping put my own struggles into perspective. Tho I'm undoubtedly sad that this is what we are all doing, and are not moving forward fast enough. Me, I want us all to be bathed in an oxytocin induced love fest, not in conflict with one another. Warmed best friends, that sounds good to me :-)

unexpected sun

The daytime weather didn't really let on that the evening might be nice, and I ended up enjoying the time at the beach way more than I anticipated. The sun is out again today to accompany us to Salford for a breastfeeding festival. Full on weekends are lovely, housework can wait!!

we can be kind or mean

I feel I have a nemesis.
Walking through my town the other day I saw a post-it stuck on the back of a car so I had a little nosey, as I like to leave post-its myself, as you know. Only this one was not spreading love, but commenting on the undesirableness of this car. I removed and binned the note cos who wants to find that?

Here's where I sat to read during drumming last night, v grateful to my boyfriend for coming over to walk the dog enabling me to take half an hour off :) It's the same field I sat in and photographed just a couple of weeks ago but looks a bit different doesn't it. Nature can be awesome like that!

Today is about celebrating - marking the last day of one of my colleagues with party food, and then an evening of beach games (weather permitting) for a family birthday. I've been busy trying to plan the school holidays and had a shock when I looked in my diary and saw things that need arranging before then. I need to focus!

ta-dah!

For anyone following progress in my garden, my wall, and today's impulse purchase. Only £1.99 and I'm v pleased with it - so much so I might go and get another couple for the other unfilled pots...

it's always better when we're together

I'm practising a song for a gig on Sunday with lovely lyrics "love is the answer at least for the most of the questions in my heart. Like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it is  so hard?"

As you know, I'm not into poetry, but I'm very much looking forwards to this: http://www.greenbelt.org.uk/blog/2015/01/announcing-greenbelts-festival-theme-for-2015-the-bright-field/?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=3+Reasons+Why&utm_content=3+Reasons+Why+CID_964975ae5f4c9c8fda33d91fead90919&utm_source=Dispatches&utm_term=The%20Bright%20Field

There's another lyric I may well have blogged on before about how from here to heav'n and heav'n to here is a distance less than tissue thin. Some places are easier to feel that than others. Here are some for me:

Iona, Scotland

Cliffs of Moher, Ireland

West Cork

West Cork

photogenic water

I'm a hills and sheep girl at heart, tho like a bit of water in the form of waterfalls, or streams. I'm less fussed by larger expanses, I think I'm perhaps overwhelmed by their immensity. Tho I do like a cliff and sea combo - at a safe distance. The cliffs of Moher were a favourite from my time in Ireland, and the main reason I'd like to live in Scotland is the interaction of sea and land edge. Yet one of my nightmares involves accidentally driving into water and being sucked under the surface. I rarely walk along canals, partly to do with that frisson of potential for falling in.
Tonight my boy was canoeing and I would ordinarily have made the most of the time to do a little work or facebooking. But a canal walk was suggested. The dog isn't a fan of going into water, but I wasn't convinced he understands that the flat surface is not walkable on, so I was a little stressy about him inadvertently going in.
But I realised I was having a lovely time, doing something that was one of the reasons I agreed to getting him. And I do enjoy a good reflection and still water is fab for that. I'm really pleased with this shot as the reflected clouds make the calm water appear turbulent.

I've realised some of my photos I'm most pleased with involve water. When I get chance I'll find and share them here. That's not going to be today tho, busy by even my standards. And I've woken a bit dizzy - this sometimes happens when I'm overdoing it, have a cold and stress. I've taken a tablet to ward it off but mainly will need to Slow Down.

redial

Twice over the weekend I called someone unexpectedly having hit redial, forgetting I'd called someone else in between. I'm not usually so careless, signs I need a break, so I was glad to do some relaxing yesterday as well as other things. I've started to think about summer - Greenbelt has long been a fixture, but I wonder if we will also get another holiday?
Meanwhile, today my garden looks like this :) (only now there's the addition of a guy in a beekeeping suit, removing the bee's nest!)

life

Life's what happens when you're busy making plans.
Will blog later lovelies, just need to go sort stuff first....

Sorry to anyone who was alarmed by this apparently mysterious post - I just thought I'd write something rather than nothing before I had to unexpectedly dash out instead of have my usual monday morning at my computer. I am very very lucky to have flexibility, especially on a monday, my working from home day. I've not actually started work yet and it's now 2.15, so I will have to find some time elsewhere in the week, but it will be ok, it always is. It always feels weird to be not working when lots of others are, but it does mean that today I've been able to do things that needed doing. I've got back and found my wall is being dismantled, and life continues apace. I think in my one sentence blog this morning I was hoping to convey that we sometimes have an idea of where life will take us and we think that is our life. Meanwhile other things occur and actually, it is in those other things, the unexpected happenings, the boring little essential hoover repair and picking up the dog poo times of life - this is the actual living out of our lives, and we can celebrate those unexpected or mundane parts too.
Every time I look the grass is growing right before my eyes. And so too are my little lone patch of daisies, sprung right back up in the same place. Enduring, even when cut back :) I have also discovered that buttercups don't last as long as daisies when placed in a little jar :)
And now, work!!

This is awesome: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/2015/06/sermon-on-the-martyrs-of-charleston-and-the-power-of-christ-crucified-and-risen/

still learning :-)

I learned a lot about myself yesterday and how much I've progressed since a child in separating out what is just people's stuff and not to be taken personally. So that's good :-)    
My dad has said he'll be annoyed if I phone him today to wish him happy fathers day as he doesn't like a fuss. Sometimes it's hard to work out whether to go with people's wishes or to cause a fuss anyway.
Today I have several tasks at church all at once so had better get a wiggle on.

learning from my dog

Loving people when they are nice to us, when they're in a good place, that's pretty easy. Loving people when they are not feeling kindly towards us, when they are struggling, that's when it's more of a challenge. But one I feel it's important to try and rise to. I don't always manage it, obviously, but I think it's worth a go. And another go, and...

I upset someone the other day by not noticing a request they had made. They were clearly hurting in their reaction (a note on my windscreen) and it would have been easy to have become defensive, or to be attacking back (if I'm not mixing my metaphors there). I decided to respond with humility and felt better for that than a more reactionary response, tho I'm still affected by it some weeks later.
Sometimes I do well only to then stumble in my eagerness to earn gratitude for how well I did. No one said it would be easy. But I will keep holding out for my higher self. And in the meantime there is a dog who seems to not be in the slightest bit bothered by how well I do, or how hard I try. He has no care for whether I got round to making an opticians appointment or swept the floor. (I did clean out the washing machine drum, seals and filter this week, and booked a boiler service, worked extra hours etc etc ). Each night he gets in close and enjoys the company, totally accepting. He teaches me a great deal.

new day

Still no sign of anyone fixing the wall, and so the swinging bench is positioned out of the way. Only the wind keeps knocking it over. I have managed to get it upright by myself on one occasion, but as the kids were around yesterday I asked one to help me. After some fuss, one did, only they proceeded to accidentally almost knock me out by crashing the canopy into my head, and trod in some dog poo which is then a massive clear up effort. So in this instance they were right and I was wrong. It would be simple to conclude it's not easier to do things with help, sometimes it's better just to soldier on alone.

can you tell yesterday was tough? I found some joy tho in my not-a-good-dog-owner way. I'm supposed to be in charge , not him, but he chose the route and so we went round a field and he led me to a solitary poppy amongst thistles.

today is a new day.
Fabulous singing with wonderful people was just what I needed. More singing and wonderful people planned for the weekend. I am very lucky.

issues with your tissues

In an ideal world, I would wash hankies, but as I'm not inhabiting anything like an ideal world, I use tissues. I find recycled tissues tricky to find and so this week I did a big traidcraft shop, so my tissue purchasing supports a company I like to back. Bulk buying was cheaper. I seem to have purchased 24 boxes, which surprised even me when they arrived - I did get some other bits too, like 80 toilet tolls.
These tissues may well come in handy, I'm once again coming down with a cold but also have been an emotional fish of late. A stranger on the street reduced me to tears yesterday by telling me how I was handling my dog wrongly. I know I'm getting lots of things wrong, I really don't need it all pointing out. Its interesting how some folk think it's their place to tell others. I try and make it my mission to notice where folk are doing well and point that out, hopefully to counteract the criticism received elsewhere.
My happiness feels fragile, nothing like a lasting contentment at the moment. Paul's death, and other recent setbacks, have left me aware that everything is transitory and it's hard to trust everything will be OK, when one moment it seems to be, then the next it isn't.
A good sing and dance to Shackles at choir last night did me good. I shall have to make space to sing amidst the freneticism of work today. I'm leading a celebration this lunchtime as part of National Breastfeeding Celebration month and am not yet in a party frame of mind...

Sick with sadness to read about the shootings in a church killing 9 black people. Going to have to dig deep today to manage the celebration event. My hope keeps getting such a bashing of late.

I managed to stay present - always the answer to everything - but now am waiting on 3 calls so can't leave but have a million things to do including buy broccoli. I have a work session tonight after drumming that is already tight for time. Feel too sick to eat anyway but I still have to feed nutritional stuff to the kids.

love notes

Last night I didn't have to leave the light on which is good cos the fear had been winning the night before. I think it's cos I was much cheered to read about this:

http://www.upworthy.com/to-get-love-you-give-love-let-a-woman-from-san-francisco-show-you-how-she-does-it?c=ufb1

I definitely could up my game. I only sporadically remember about the power of leaving love notes. I've particularly enjoyed leaving something akin to "Teachers are awesome" on school staff room noticeboards - I was delighted to return to one several weeks later and it was still there. They take seconds, and are a massive mood boost (to me, I like to think they have an effect on those reading them too, but I don't really know). I've once had someone know it was me who left one on a mirror. I should do more mirrors, they are powerful places to leave a positive note such as "you are beautiful you know".

It really does only take a tiny bit of effort - I have a spare thankyou card in my car, just in case, and I've just stocked my coat pocket with a stash of tiny notes along the lines of "there's no-one like you" and "thanks for being you". I shall find folk to share those with these next few days. Hope you get to celebrate a few folk too :D

...
I feel a bit giddy, I so enjoy this!!! My favourite of the morning was leaving one for the pianist, I often go over and thank her for bringing live music to enhance the morning school worship, and today I surreptitiously left a note on the keys that she should find next time she lifts the piano lid :-)

in harmony

I love harmony. Like a lot of folk I know, I'm not a fan of conflict, thought I do understand we're all different and that contrasting opinions can bring about healthy debate etc etc. Best for me tho is when people are happy and getting along, and best of all is when we sing and we each have our own notes that together sound amazing. Harmony at its best.
I had a very very lovely afternoon yesterday inspired by my Friday night choir, unearthing various a cappella songs. We sometimes sing without a keyboard on a wednesday and the leader says that smiling is a necessity as it changes our palette and if we don't smile we don't stay in key. I know from experience it can be hard to sing an "ooooh" whilst simultanteously smiling. I also know that when I sing alongside those I love, it is hard not to smile.
So it's only Tuesday but I'm already looking forwards to both Wednesday and Friday. And because I'm not a believer in wishing our lives away, I will not be waiting to sing. Will you sing along with me?

the prodigal son, the following years

Instead of planning the service I'm actually supposed to be doing on Sunday, I've been thinking about the prodigal son and what came next. The biblical tale in a nutshell involves a lad asking for an advance on his inheritance, squandering the lot and after a time of destitution returning home whereupon he's welcomed with open arms by his delighted father. No women in this story as far as I remember, except maybe as temptresses when the boy had riches. Now I'm not a preacher, in fact probably more a heretic, and what's been on my mind is "What happened next?" How did the story pan out once the party was over and life settled back to normal? We know the elder son was aggrieved, he's spent his life being sensible and no-one threw him a party. Was that jealousy resolved or did it burn between them the rest of their lives?
What became of the younger son? Did he learn from his youthful mistakes and become a steady repentant bloke? Or is it hard to change our ways, did he get restless again, a cycle of leaving and returning? How many times did his father forgive him and celebrate when he came home once more? And where was his mum, was she crying with despair at each disappearance, crying with relief at every return? Or did everyone get fed up?
It can be hard to delight constantly that we are lucky to have those who are in our lives. The joy can get squashed by our fears that they might at some point not be with us, our pain from when they let us down before, our jealousy that their struggles are viewed differently from our own. I have much admiration for the dad of the story and more than a little empathy for the reliable older brother, can you tell? That's how I usually position myself in this tale (tho please note, my sister was not wayward.) And yet there's plenty of times I've messed up and been forgiven. I think it's probably very useful for us all to imagine ourselves into the role of each character. Our whole existence could be a life long party with our loved ones saying to us yup, you're not perfect, but I'm so glad you're here. Xx

beautiful day

I'm glad the sun is shining, I have a vast array of things requiring electricity today - washing to do, items to charge up. I'm not a sun worshipper (it gives me a headache so I'm best avoiding it really) but I'm sure it does recharge me too. Yesterday's greyness had me wanting to curl up on the sofa, which I did, but I never really feel any more rested for it. Today I have squidillions of things to do, including plan for a service I'm helping to lead on sunday night, fit over a month's worth of hours for one job into the one day, and maybe even tackle the tax credits. I've already got the pump chugging chemicals around the pool and several items crossed off the to do list and it's only just the start of the working day, so it feels like I'm off to a good start. At some point I plan to take just a minute or two to lie back on the trampoline and cloud gaze. We really do have to make the most of it.

I love buttercups and daisies. They are incredibly beautiful. I don't understand why I don't see folk out every day picking them or having their breath taken away by just how delightful they are.

A busy morning of 'doing' balanced with an afternoon of 'being', my boyfriend on his uke, and me dancing to songs from my past. Service planning minimal, tax credit renewal annoying, work mixed. But sharing songs with loved ones is totally fab :) Hope you're having a beautiful day too :)

civil/civic sunday

Following the awesome procession of witness yesterday, there is walking again around our town this morning, this time for civic Sunday. I don't walk today but do need to get the boy scout there on time. I'm overtired so don't feel very civil as yet.
We're having a lazy afternoon, hurrah! I've had three quarters of a chocolate orange and don't plan on leaving this sofa for some time :-)
I'm not very good at relaxing, I need more practice!!

holey holey holey

The good news is that the patch I put on the leak seems to have worked. The not so good news is that there are two more. A little lazily, I can no longer be bothered to drain it down to the required level this time, so got a child to plug it from the inside whilst I attached a patch only on the outside. I don't imagine it will be as secure, but so far so good.
My girly has invited a ton of teenagers over for a pool party and bbq so we will see what happens weather-wise. Firstly tho a lot of walking as it's club day.

Lot of walking done. Leaks not leaking. Rain holding off. Meat in my freezer, not sure that's ever happened before. I need a siesta tho!

I think its maybe 15 years since I hosted a bbq. Teenagers are very unpredictable I find, either eating you out of house and home, or picking at a tiny amount. So catering for a dozen was challenging. The dog is going to be eating a lot of beefburgers these next couple of days...

grand/little gestures

This is my 1000th blog that I've written - there are 7 that remain withdrawn or unpublished.  That's quite a lot of sharing.

Sometimes I worry I'm wasting my life/talents and fear I'm not amounting to much. Delighted as I was to read about my former boss on Pip's blog, it once again had me mulling how I'm not a CEO, I'm on a starter salary, and I don't feel I have a whole lot to write home about in terms of achievements of late.
And yet I know my CV isn't what counts.
I know it's not the job title, the big gestures.
It's the text I send to show I'm thinking of someone. The smile. Every attempt at parenting well, every attempt at reaching out to friend or stranger.

Tonight for some inexplicable reason the most important thing I had to do was locate my old photos. I really wanted to find one of me from my tie-and-waistcoat days. I had such a lovely silk waistcoat, I can't believe I don't still have it now (I seem to have most of my other clothes that I was wearing in those pics from 20 years back!!). Sadly I can't find a photo at all of that. But here are some others. Firstly smiling despite having chopped off the tip of my thumb one Christmas eve. Pets make everything bearable, I was so so sad when Peanuts, the cat in the pic, died. Then there are pics on my 12th birthday, then as a teenager - I don't know why it is cut out but I'd forgotten about the 'don't worry be happy' top. There's one of me in the room I had in halls when I first went to uni,  and another in another hat - I wore a lot of hats as a student.  Finally (tho not currently in the right order, that will have to wait til I'm back on my computer not phone) another from the pre-children box, of me in one of my favourite places. I've only been once but totally loved it, the roof of gaudi's perdera in Barcelona.

And so I'm reminded again of the seasons of love song as to how our lives are measured - and it's not usually by our careers.

Swiper, no swiping!

So I'm just draining the pool. Already. There is a leak and so I need to get the level back under where the hole is so we can try and patch it. Holes are pesky things. But don't have to be permanent.
In better news I learned a new skill. Swiping. Like texting but you don't lift your finger from the screen. It's fun and it's good to keep developing myself.
Today has busy written all over it. I've still not located my joie de vivre. A friend at choir last night whom I've not seen in a while asked how life was and my reply was challenging - she asked if there's light at the end of the tunnel. I said there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Today there is much sunlight, I shall keep moving towards the light, I hope you enjoy any basking you can do too.
I'm beginning to feel it a bit more :) That song is EVERYWHERE but reminds me that my mission (should I chose to accept it) is to keep falling in love a little more, with everyone, everyday. And it's not all that difficult - people write inspirational stuff, or flash a brilliant smile, or simply be. Rapidly scoffing a salad for lunch. We're on salads at the moment (am glad the weather has improved to match) and so I set up a salad bar for my boy to select from for his lunch today and whilst I was at it did one for me. Sometimes in helping others we help ourselves :)

diversionary tactics

There's something afoot on my usual main road into work, so there's a sign up saying we should find an alternative route for something like 8 weeks. The first day of my new route, the alternative was closed for roadworks and had a diversion all of its own. That's been sorted now tho thankfully.
The sun is shining today. Summer has been officially declared as the pool is up. I find it hard to celebrate having already had to do one towel wash, and can recall just how tricky the chemical balancing is. Can you hear the wishful thinking when I say "maybe this time things will be easier"...

I think my new route may actually be quicker. I'm not a fan of using motorways tho, as it feels if there is a delay then I'm stuck, whereas if I'm on another road and there's an issue, I can sometimes pick out a different route. The sun is still shining, but I still can't get feel the brightness. Maybe singing tonight will do it. Meanwhile, this is a fab status from one of those who inspires me :)

David LaMotte

There sure is a lot to feel in every day, isn't there? As you navigate this little slice of your life, I hope you're feeling nourished and challenged in the right measure, and being easy on yourself and the folks around you. Living is unspeakably hard, and profoundly beautiful, usually all at the same time. As Bruce Cockburn sings, "Depends on what you look at, obviously. Even more it depends on the way that you see." I'm feeling grateful for another day to try again to stumble in the general direction of the light, and to celebrate all that I know to be holy.

less sparkly

I've removed my glittery nail varnish ready for returning to my main job today. I understand the need for the rule of no nail varnish, good hand hygiene is what keeps me and those I support safe. It was really tricky to take off and made me doubt if I'll ever put any on again. Despite my fervent efforts with the harsh chemicals, you know how stubborn glitter is, and each of my fingers has a tiny remnant. I quite like that as whilst I'm following the rules (I don't like to break rules) there is still a sense of possibility - a reminder of the good times had, and an inspiration to look for the sparkle amidst all that is sensible. A little bit of glitter goes a long way. Just one spark amidst dullness will brighten it, maybe we don't need to be dazzled by full on shine, just keep spotting the glimpses of joy amongst the ordinary?

Been a bit sorry for myself today - lets face it, less sparkly is inevitably "less" than full on shiny. Was great to read this tho, you know already I like Pip Wilson's blog, imagine my surprise to read at length about a former colleague :)
http://www.pipwilson.com/2015/06/danny-flynn-he-is-love-with-skin-on.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+pipwilsonbhp+%28Pip+Wilson+bhp+......+blog%29

seeing beauty

In a busy weekend, I was pleased to finally upload the picture of the outdoor chapel to my blog of a fortnight ago. Here too are a couple of other gems I'd not yet managed to share. The first is a lovely gesture from the building company to prettify the temporary wall erected whilst they demolish then rebuild a building in my town.

And this was a joy to spot, a large beautiful shadow of a tree cast by the falling sun in Cumbria some time back. There is so much to celebrate when we have our eyes open to it :-)

falling in love every day

One of the things that made me beam this week was someone asking if I'd heard the new hozier song as this lyric reminded them of me :

" I fall in love just a little ol' little bit everyday with someone new"

I had indeed already noted and loved the lyric - its not exactly an aim as such, tho to fall more in love - whether with new folk I encounter or my existing loved ones - is kinda what I'm about.

Off to church now to distribute oatcakes, I mean worship God.

I didn't agree with the preacher the other week. That's fine, I think preachers are there to spark faith, and can do so in just one word of their sermon, I don't have to agree with everything they say. On this occasion he had said we shouldn't chat to others in the pews before the service as we should focus our minds in the purpose of worshipping God. Now I'm sure we all go to church for a whole host of reasons. My main way of worshipping and being church is through connecting with others. I respect those who wish to silently focus themselves before the service starts, but I myself shall continue to check in with folk beforehand.
Today I forgot the oatcakes so had to run home for them. I spent a considerable chunk of the service cooling down :-)

oatcake mission

I did get a lie in - yay!!
But then a non stop circus of paid work and domestic stuff and this and that, all in a rush as I'm soon to set off to stoke. I'm not that keen on the M6 (well actually there's a section further north that I'm very fond of, but I'm not going that way today) so to be off onto it yet again today isn't massively appealing. But I love seeing my Grandma, and I love my friend whose birthday I'm off to celebrate. And the plan is to buy a shed load of staffordshire oatcakes as there have been a few requests ;)

9 packets purchased and that still left hundreds in the shop!

don't worry about a thing

When I woke at daft o clock this morning, it wasn't immediately followed by a pang of panic, fear or despair like it has every other early morning this last week or so, and thus I was able to go back to sleep. Hurrah! I know I'm using the word hurrah a lot at the moment. As you know, I think it is important to celebrate.
Today I'm off on a coach to Nottingham for a long long day. I'm hoping there will be some undemanding times where I can chill on the coach (tho our parts have just changed for one song so maybe will need to practice all the way there??) I'm also expecting uplifting times, that is after all why I sing.
At some point over the weekend I'm hoping to find the chance to add some photos to these blogs, but we'll see :)
We're not even on the motorway yet and I've eaten half my lunch. Now just passing Knutsford services and there's a queue caution but we're still moving.  I wasn't able to go with the choir when they travelled to Birmingham and a delay meant they warmed up and gave an impromptu gig on the hard shoulder... Here's hoping we don't need to do that today!
Not too far now and then I will need to concentrate on rehearsing.  I've even painted my nails a sparkly red B-)

I've never been through a stage door before B-) I am now very tired and suspect I may snooze on the coach,  might be 2 am before we're back in Preston... And home,  just after 2. Hope I can get a lie in!

strong tea bag

So, another day, another challenge. A friend has a poster with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt " A woman is like a tea bag, you can't see how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
To be honest, the only hot water I want to be in right now is a lovely relaxing bubble bath. Sadly this isn't the sort of hot water I'm in, but I've asked for help, and everything eventually will work out, it usually does.
Meanwhile this evening has even more than usual crammed in - dentist for us all, a drumming lesson, and then a presentation evening. Thankfully it looks like the weather is going to play ball to allow us to have chips on the seafront in between as there's no time to come home for any tea in between.

Hurrah, my helper was very wise and concluded I won't have to go to prison! For me I've always found honesty to be the best policy even if it means facing scary consequences - but that's always been better for me than wondering about those scary consequences on my own :) I know it's not everyone's approach but it works for me :D None of us ever have a full picture of what's going on, we only do our best in the moment. My body is objecting to the intensity it has been under these last few days/weeks/months. Normally I'd walk the dog during the drumming lesson but have just taken him out as he can't accompany us to the dentist/presentation eve too. So with the half hour of the drumming lesson, my plan is to sit in a field and look at the clouds for a while. Hurrah again.

this one doesn't have a title yet

Despite a spot of cheese just before bed I can't recall what I dreamed of. I don't think it involved being in large vehicles driven by strangers who couldn't control them so wreaked havoc, so this is progress on the previous two nights.
I suspect today will be busy. My main job is tue, wed, Fri. I was off yesterday and won't be in Friday either as I'll be singing in Nottingham. So it feels a bit like cramming a week's work into one afternoon as I'm running a workshop this morning.
Will try to bring more joy later...

i hear you knocking

I wondered if I was having an Eli moment (if memory serves, God talks to Eli but Eli doesn't realise and thinks it is someone else). I had definitely heard a knock, and the dog had heard a knock, but there was no-one at the front door or anywhere to be seen. I've been praying a lot so wondered if it was some kind of answer (that I didn't understand). I also have been feeling very stressed so wondered if I was hearing things - tho that didn't explain the dog.
Happily it turned out it was a knocking at the back door (no-one ever knocks at the back door, but then again, no-one usually jumps over my back wall to survey it.) As even more happily, it was a surveyor saying they are coming st the end of the week to do a long term reconstruction of the wall.  Fully at their cost. Hurrah.

I'm not going to win any parenting awards this week (good job I don't covet that kind of thing). There were a few tasks for the holiday that is coming to a close. The project is still half complete and can't be finished until it dries out some more. Despite several attempts, no correctly sized school shoes could be found so he'll be going back in his holey ones tomorrow. Hair uncut, voucher unspent. But we did have some awesome times at family camp, and a day out to Clitheroe, and he's had a lot of time to do the relaxing things he likes to do.

And I've realised I have to shift my bottom line. Thankfully no one has had to die in order for me to realise this, but I always used to say that things had gone ok if nobody died. Well, the truth is, fab as I am, I can't stop death. Grateful I've not had to learn this the hard way.

wind problem

things keep getting blown over. i've given up on the swinging bench, and had to spend a considerable time half way down the street retrieving the contents of my paper recycling bin. Bear in mind it contained a lot of ripped up Christian Aid envelopes and you can imagine what an activity that was. There was a piece of cardboard in it too large and without the lid shutting it was easy to blow over. Lesson learned.

I sometimes wonder if the radio is trying to communicate with me. On both the way to and from my boyfriend's flat there was the song "when the going gets tough." The going feels tough at the moment. I'd been holding onto some positive outcomes from recent difficulties, but 3 of the 4 hopefulnesses haven't come to fruition. Which still leaves one of course - I'm ever the optimist. But for now I feel a bit lacking in hope. I'm glad I have a day with my boy - we're off to meet up with my parents for lunch out. Then back to try and complete the homework project. The chicken wire part is complete. The papier mache isn't.

We played Fischy music both there and back. Whenever I hear my kids singing their songs I feel proud that there is at least one part of my parenting that I did well, introducing them to Fischy music. It did me good too :) As did a rather lovely vegetarian pate lunch. Nom nom.