The power of hug

I’ve recently got back in touch with my hugging self. I used to hug a lot, and somehow without noticing, cut back on it. This is good news – the benefits of touching are well documented. I know someone who deliberately ensures her hand connects with any cashier who gives her change – most of us intentionally or not avoid making that kind of contact with other humans. (and yet are perfectly happy to reach down to pat my over-excitable and in some ways scary looking Staffie. How odd!) 

One of the most moving moments in my life was a day when I was feeling quite down, and a busy someone (whom I didn’t know particularly well) passed me in the street and stopped to say "hi" and as she left casually touched my arm – I still cry now when I recall that moment, as it was such a brief gesture that she may not even have realised she was doing it, but it had such an impact on me.

In my work roles we have a very clear “hands off” approach which I understand (we do talk a lot about the power of "skin-to-skin" tho!) Outside of that, I am definitely a touchy feely kind of person – it’s a way of connecting almost constantly with my children, with other people I love dearly, and (when I’m in a good mood) with complete strangers too, who for all I know, may not have had anyone else touch them all day. I’m mindful, mainly, but it’s also such a wonderful uninhibited way of showing someone that they matter. And of course, I often get a hug back – win win :D

Shut up/shut down

My son is brilliant. I sometimes forget this tho and so he has to – loudly – remind me. We were on a wonderful walk this weekend when he and his sister were playing by/in the river and he got pushed in. He was not happy. In my dismay that his howls would ruin the rest of the walk, I instantly rushed in with “I have no sympathy, if you’d come when I’d told you to this never would have happened.” Etc. etc. Fortunately, he knows what he needs so he didn’t shut up, or shut down, and continued to protest about how it was the worst day of his life – until I finally got it. He knew he needed to be understood, and to work the situation out of his system. And so eventually I asked him if it had been a shock – one moment expecting to swing through the air on the rope, the next landing in some cold and muddy water. If it had been me to have been pushed in, I’m sure I’d have made everyone else aware of how upset I was about it – why should I expect differently of him because he is a child?

I do know that this is all each of us need – to be heard – and yet I keep forgetting – I sometimes push people away cos I’m frightened by what they may say if really given a chance to share. I can jolly people along into looking at the bright side 'cos I don’t really want to stick around with them whilst they go to the dark places. I occasionally shut people up because I’ve not had enough space of my own for all I need to protest about.

But I’m brilliant too – and so when I get to remember then things do shift, and we all get to move on. And the noisiness is of laughter instead of wailing :D