Escape

Maybe it's cos I'm reading a book in which a girl runs away,  but whilst hiring a bike for my boy,  I impulsively hired one for myself for 3 days and set off to see the nearby canal.

 It was a good decision and as a result I've started to relax.  I'm going to cycle to the Netherlands.  That sounds grand but it is probably less than a mile away.  Tomorrow we might all cycle to the Sahara.  I kid you not,  tho clearly it's not it's namesake in Africa. If we have Wifi again tomorrow I'll post pics.

appreciation

I'm glad to be having lots of screen free time and disconnecting from the internet other than to write this daily blog. I've not started to unwind yet tho and am not sure how to go about that. I've had a new realisation of how much I took my parents for granted! How do you free yourself from a desire for appreciation/gratitude? Maybe by appreciating myself so much that I don't need it from anyone else? I guess that's today's plan then.

Internet down for some of today anyway!

lost in translation

A translation of the word 'from' has resulted in a little confusion and no dishwasher, but we will survive that. More unsettling this morning was the discovery that the milk we had purchased was buttermilk. Fortunately we have brought some breakfast biscuits with us so all is not lost. I've never had a breakfast biscuit before, and with buttermilk tea it's interesting. Today I will pay more attention in the shop.
Did I mention already the trees? I love trees! I'm very happy with the view from the back window/door/terrace which also includes geese (or ducks, feel free to correct me when I sort out how to attach photo ).

hopeful

I think it's going to be good. I like the park, there are loads of trees, and our area seems quiet. I've not taken any photos yet, you will get something soon I hope. I'm feeling a bit dizzy from being up so early and travelling so far, so am off to bed soon.
I'm apprehensive as the monkey may have gone down with the bug, unless its extended seasickness. I'm kicking myself for not bringing the antibacterial wipes, sitting redundant on the side in the bathroom at home. I've had to try and work wonders with an antibacterial hand gel.
Keep your fingers crossed, I'll post again after a long lie in!!!!!

Not short of shorts

The Belgian weather forecast is nothing to write home about but I couldn't decide which of my shorts (cut off trousers more accurately) I wanted so have thrown them all in, unusually for me who weighs out every last item.
It's all in the car now so that when my alarm goes off at 4.45 I can just roll straight out of bed and set off. It will be fine.

The first cut is the deepest

Some painful experiences are more bearable when we have been through them before. I found giving birth the second time easier as I felt more in control and confident having been through it previously. Maybe because I had a clearer sense that I would get through it - the first time we do something hard we have no evidence that it is something we can survive.
And yet I think it's also possible to see how traumatic experiences get harder still with the layering of having been through similar before. When I go to funerals I feel again the grief of attending previous ones combined with the fresh grief of the immediate loss.
It would seem that I have more challenges to go through that I'm wary of as I didn't enjoy them first time around. I don't feel I have the strength to face things knowing how tough they can be. But I remember that quote that we have a 100% record of getting through the difficult days.
I'm not sure why I'm presented with my challenges in multiples rather than merely one at a time, I guess life is deep,  rich and complicated. Here's much love for all that's rich,  deep and complicated in your life too.

changed my mind

Maybe it's the heavy rain, which is having my dread the driving. Or perhaps it's this morning's hospital appointment, the unknown content of which is casting it's shadow over how I might feel later. But right now I don't feel like going on holiday at all. Given that I'm mainly looking forward to the chance to read, I could do that from the comfort of my own duvet without the stress of all the travelling and deadlines and costs. Its 150 quid just for the dog to be looked after for the week.
I'm sure once we're all underway I will enjoy it and we will create far more memories than just staying at home like every other day.
Of course all the negativity could just be an accumulation of stress that proves that I really need a holiday! Its been a tough few months, and in the run up to going away I find there's no time for the outlets that keep me balanced, I've not had chance to read or even any carefree singing. I'm hoping to get to choir tonight but it will depend how today goes. But we're nearly there now, just a bit more washing and packing and sorting, chivvying of others and tying up of work loose ends. Maybe then I will give myself permission to be happy?