Holding hands with strangers is ace. I knew I'd love it here. We start again at 7am so don't expect any blogging from me in a while...
...
And back :) Apart from not enjoying the way I sometimes get rid of difficult feelings by throwing up, it has been an absolutely awesome weekend! A gift to myself, giving me time and space to clear some of my stuff. And tho not everyone may agree, a gift to the amazing working class people I'm lucky enough to have in my life and want to be more real with :)
And I got to say my adopted surname for the first time as it felt safe enough to do so :) I hope your weekend has been full of love love love too :D
Friday, 27 February 2015
beautiful
Someone bought me this and I hung it from my mirror. I rarely look in the mirror to be honest - I'm glad to say that I believe this sign and don't fret as I know some others do. I think the sign is fab tho and a great thing to have prominently displayed in a house with adolescents.This morning has cake in it with beautiful people as we mark the retirement of one of my bosses. This afternoon I think won't have cake as i arrive at the co-housing community for my workshop. I know the people there will be beautiful too (cos we all are). It's always a bit sad when things mean I'm then not with beautiful people I usually hang out with - I'm particularly touched that a choir member sent me a job ad she thought I might be interested in. I know so many beautiful people!!! Hope you too enjoy all the beautiful people you encounter :D
Thursday, 26 February 2015
expansive
I LOVE the mood I'm in at the moment - I associate it with the word expansive. I have unlimited texts but wonder if like my broadband there is a "fair use policy" as I sent a considerable number of texts last night ;) Sometimes I'm just in that place where there feels no limit to the love I can share, the positive I can see, the connections I can reach for.The big dog bounded over towards me and I wondered if I was about to get muddy paw prints on my work trousers. As the owner passed he explained "he must have thought he knew you". Maybe I'm just giving off vibes of already knowing people as the way I feel at the moment, there's no barriers, I'm loving everyone, friend, stranger, and big muddy dogs :D
I was called a warm dependable ally the other day. It's how I think I'm supposed to be. With everyone :) I don't think there are any sides, I think that's a human construction. Plenty of love for everyone :D
Here is a photo of a beautiful thing. I don't know what this style of decoration is called but it's evocative of my childhood and somewhere there's a baby photo of me that I like with a similar decoration in the background, only it looks as if it's my halo ;) I'll look out for it sometime and share that too. I found this one the other day down the back of the tele, it's all bashed and so I've thrown it away now but I took this photo first.
Wednesday, 25 February 2015
hazy shade of winter
It feels like there's no time this week. I worked last night and am working a session tonight immediately before choir. So I got up early this morning to pack for the weekend in case there's not another chance. I'm really looking forwards to it. It's a whole weekend workshop around being middle class. I've not done anything exactly like it before, tho I've attended awesome events I expect it will be a bit like. I went to a day once with a similar bunch of folk and I LOVED it - there's something so lovely about being around people who it's so easy to connect with.
As it's all about no pretense, and looking at what goes on for us, we're not to use anything over the weekend that might numb our feelings - not an issue for me around the alcohol or nicotine, tho I do wonder if I'll notice the lack of caffeine, and I expect the lack of sugar will be a struggle as I do have a bit of a sugar addiction.
I've put in my item of clothing that resembles a blanket, tho not to hide under - maybe to share? :)
First tho there's still a working week to finish.
... Work future been discussed today. There's still lots of change but it's hopefully a little less uncertain than before, and hopefully will find out more in next few weeks so I can then figure out what I want to do next. And my boy's computer that he's bought for himself has arrived so that will mean I get more access to my own - yay!
As it's all about no pretense, and looking at what goes on for us, we're not to use anything over the weekend that might numb our feelings - not an issue for me around the alcohol or nicotine, tho I do wonder if I'll notice the lack of caffeine, and I expect the lack of sugar will be a struggle as I do have a bit of a sugar addiction.
I've put in my item of clothing that resembles a blanket, tho not to hide under - maybe to share? :)
First tho there's still a working week to finish.
... Work future been discussed today. There's still lots of change but it's hopefully a little less uncertain than before, and hopefully will find out more in next few weeks so I can then figure out what I want to do next. And my boy's computer that he's bought for himself has arrived so that will mean I get more access to my own - yay!
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
life's a treat
As we know, I'm not brilliant at waiting, and what with picking to work on impatience this lent, I'm bound to attract lots of situations where I get to practice being patient.
Waiting to find out what's going to happen about my job is not really fun and I can feel it taking a toll on my body and my interactions, so to make it a bit more fun I took my boy to see Shaun the sheep as we both like That Kind of Thing. That was a good idea and we enjoyed it, tho I was aware still that I could be notified at any time. I wasn't. I hope we find out today.
The rest of this week doesn't seem to have many gaps in it, I may have to remind myself to keep taking deep breaths - there's always time for that.
This blew my mind last night: http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/
and I had a good giggle at the line "apparently family dynamics are complicated even at the cellular level" Any relationship is complicated cos it involves people - but I love how our relationships have the power to heal. I know I wouldn't be the me that I currently am if I hadn't interacted with others and that the influence others have on me makes me better. Wow.
...
Hmm, I'm suspecting this won't make it into my top ten for best days of my life, but we never know and I'm not giving up on it yet ;) I played myself a whole load of encouraging songs before leaving. Still no news on the job front. Good job I'm so patient :D
Waiting to find out what's going to happen about my job is not really fun and I can feel it taking a toll on my body and my interactions, so to make it a bit more fun I took my boy to see Shaun the sheep as we both like That Kind of Thing. That was a good idea and we enjoyed it, tho I was aware still that I could be notified at any time. I wasn't. I hope we find out today.
The rest of this week doesn't seem to have many gaps in it, I may have to remind myself to keep taking deep breaths - there's always time for that.
This blew my mind last night: http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/
and I had a good giggle at the line "apparently family dynamics are complicated even at the cellular level" Any relationship is complicated cos it involves people - but I love how our relationships have the power to heal. I know I wouldn't be the me that I currently am if I hadn't interacted with others and that the influence others have on me makes me better. Wow.
...
Hmm, I'm suspecting this won't make it into my top ten for best days of my life, but we never know and I'm not giving up on it yet ;) I played myself a whole load of encouraging songs before leaving. Still no news on the job front. Good job I'm so patient :D
Monday, 23 February 2015
next to me
The half term holidays have finished for one of my children, but not the other. It's not long now til they'll both be at the same school again and then this situation won't arise again. But for now I'm celebrating that I get an extra day with my boy. There's all this potential that I can already feel falling away as we both get sucked into our separate activities - I could easily spend the day emailing/tidying and he has already got a warm spot in front of the TV. But the sun is shining, I'm wondering if he could be persuaded to take the dog for a walk along the seafront, via the tip to get rid of the pile of stuff that's been accumulating for months?
Or maybe we'll just get to the cinema, there's a film only the two of us want to see, so today makes perfect sense to go and see that.
Even if I just go and curl up next to him on the sofa, it's great to have time happy in each other's company. I hope you too are rejoicing in whoever is next to you :D
Or maybe we'll just get to the cinema, there's a film only the two of us want to see, so today makes perfect sense to go and see that.
Even if I just go and curl up next to him on the sofa, it's great to have time happy in each other's company. I hope you too are rejoicing in whoever is next to you :D
Saturday, 21 February 2015
lifetime supply of cleaning products
Firstly, I'd like to congratulate myself on not writing this earlier :) I'm only now getting this down, whilst I need a sit down after a flurry of productive activity.
Unusually, I have had a propensity towards cleaning. Now, one barrier to this is that in order to clean, I first have to tidy, in order to reach the surfaces that are in need of cleaning. Unperturbed, I have spent lots of today shifting things, and even throwing stuff away, like that shelf from the old fridge that I kept in case I wanted to use it in the new one.
Yesterday I initially couldn't find my usual ecover laundry gel but then found it in a section of collected ecover products, many of which were on offer, so I got lots of stuff. When I got home, I found I already had a lifetime supply of cleaning stuff in my cupboards (if you rarely clean, anything can last a lifetime!!)
I have a very clear memory of enjoying hoovering one time to Diana Ross's Chain Reaction, so I made a playlist to sustain my enthusiasm, and have subsequently perhaps done more dancing than cleaning. It's so easy to get distracted - just nipping to the loo and seeing so much else that needs doing en route. And my need for human interaction pulls me away too. Nonetheless, let's celebrate that I now have a totally cleared kitchen and dining room floor and about to mop so will be taking the chair away from the screen ;)
And since my day could hardly only consist of cleaning, I liked this, especially the line that there's no time for anything inessential (but that he anticipates still having fun and silliness in his remaining time):
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html?_r=1
Unusually, I have had a propensity towards cleaning. Now, one barrier to this is that in order to clean, I first have to tidy, in order to reach the surfaces that are in need of cleaning. Unperturbed, I have spent lots of today shifting things, and even throwing stuff away, like that shelf from the old fridge that I kept in case I wanted to use it in the new one.
Yesterday I initially couldn't find my usual ecover laundry gel but then found it in a section of collected ecover products, many of which were on offer, so I got lots of stuff. When I got home, I found I already had a lifetime supply of cleaning stuff in my cupboards (if you rarely clean, anything can last a lifetime!!)
I have a very clear memory of enjoying hoovering one time to Diana Ross's Chain Reaction, so I made a playlist to sustain my enthusiasm, and have subsequently perhaps done more dancing than cleaning. It's so easy to get distracted - just nipping to the loo and seeing so much else that needs doing en route. And my need for human interaction pulls me away too. Nonetheless, let's celebrate that I now have a totally cleared kitchen and dining room floor and about to mop so will be taking the chair away from the screen ;)
And since my day could hardly only consist of cleaning, I liked this, especially the line that there's no time for anything inessential (but that he anticipates still having fun and silliness in his remaining time):
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html?_r=1
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