on not being God

I am feeling very grateful to my friend who has reminded me that what is important is to focus on God and then how to be will hopefully arise from that.
I don't have to be like God. Which is a relief as not only does that feel impossible, but I'm aware we regularly make God in our own image.

Focussing on God feels easier - I'm someone who sees God wherever I look - tho sometimes I forget and it's important to be reminded to keep noticing. For me God's not a bearded old man in the clouds, more of a verb than a singularly occuring noun. So I see God everytime I spot these unexpected flowers. I hear God when I read my friends emails to me or catch laughter or angry shouts in the street. Not that I think God shouts angrily, I just sense that God is there whilst people struggle to get along cos our hurting has us react to one another. Sometimes I can feel that God is with me, or within me.

I don't think there's anywhere where God is not, but that often we don't spot God.
What do you think/feel?

Germanic tribes

I don't know why I watch university challenge, I don't even understand the categories of the questions let alone feel I can have a stab at the answers. Feeling stupid didn't help my grumpy mood at all.
And the truth is none of us are stupid. There are things we know, things we don't know. There are things we are naturally good at, things we are good at with considerable effort, and things that just are not so much our focus, and we can't all be good at everything and that's totally fine.

I've never been much cop at General Knowledge. It was always my worse exam result by far at primary school. There's just so many things out there that we could know about that frankly don't interest me. I'm not into knowing the names of people in politics or royalty. Sport, history, I don't know terms or winners or facts. So I'm happy to stick with what I do know. That listening makes a difference. That relationships are important. That hugging it out is often the answer ;)

Nadia

I was very moved by a lot of what Nadia shared at Greenbelt. I cried a lot and can see there's still much to work through.

She spoke a lot about how we can't be any more or any less loved by God because of anything we do. I agree, tho in accepting that truth get to observe just how far from being like God I am. Are we supposed to be as much as we can be like God? Maybe I'm called to be like me. Still mulling that one.
Given that I recently blogged on how I can find other people's jagged edges hurtful, I was interested by her comments on how it is our jagged edges that give God and others something to grasp hold of. I'm still pondering this too. I like how she says we often have an ideal image of who we should be, and that person is not who we actually are. And we think that the ideal person would be loved better (by God and ourselves) whereas God loves us fully just as we really are.
I'm in a post birthday slump and feel far from my ideal self, but will keep reminding myself that it's still enough.

cake plans

As you know, I I love feeling connected to my beloveds, and lots were in touch yesterday, so it was fab. Due to the poor weather forecast tho,  I didn't leave the house the entire day. The good news is this means my celebrations are now spread across the whole weekend. After church we will hopefully head to Lancaster to catch the train over the sands to grange. I don't think I've even been on a train on a causeway and I'm excited by it. The plan is for us to then have afternoon tea.
And I also know that things don't always go to plan, so we'll see :-)
Hope you are finding joy in whatever your weekend is holding!

Well I was right, things didn't go to plan, and I was a lot less able to go with the flow of those changes than yesterday.

brilliant/birthday

I love my birthday :-)

I'm like my dad in many ways, and like him I'm not one for presents. But unlike him, who doesn't like anyone to ring, I do enjoy spending the day thanking people for letting me know I'm important to them. As my dad says, we can do this any day of the year. And I do! But birthdays are a good motivator for people to mention that you matter to them, and for some people, an opportunity to tell me what it is about me that they appreciate.

This is the back of the card :-)

After much effort on my part to work through a whole pile of doubts and old feelings, I mainly feel great about myself and have a good sense of my significance for a whole lot of people who similarly matter a great deal to me. Having wonderful people in my life is a joy and something I frequently celebrate, and birthdays are a great focus for celebrating our existence and the folk who make my life the amazing gift it is.
This card was from my gorgeous work colleagues who frequently get to be alongside me in my grumpiness as well as see my skills in action. I'm very lucky to work with such ace people.

I'm having such a lovely day! Loads of beautiful messages and interactions. Breakfast in bed of Homemade bread and jam, my girly had made neither before but they worked out perfectly. I'm feeling so loved up :-)

And we finished with watching The Rise of the Guardians - my kids know my film type so well! Fear being overcome by light. Its been lovely all round, I was right to wake up excited. What's particularly good is that the day didn't go to plan, rain stopped play for the day trip, and the film we were going to watch we couldn't find. And yet it still was ace. I could taste the love in the unending treats my girly had created. From start to finish people were in touch. Feeling v grateful :-)

One day we shall live in peace and a little child shall lead us

You know I love Greenbelt so much - to those of you who were there I'm very grateful for you helping to make it what it was. To those of you who weren't, I want to try and share some of what made it special for me.

I'm going to start with the communion service. Anyone wanting to follow along you can actually listen to the whole thing here, or look at what inspired it, and see the song that I liked most: http://www.greenbelt.org.uk/communion-service/

The song "one day" was particularly brilliant, on how no matter what currently divides us, we will one day be happily alongside one another. Man U and Man City supporters sat on the same bench cheering each others goals. In fact, the song printed doesn't have all the lyrics used - I like that there must have been a hastily added up-to-date extra. Those lines were about how women in burkhinis and bikinis will lie alongside each other on the beach, whilst men in business suits rub suncream on the backs of men in speedos.

I liked the witty little tiny bits like you might spot in the photo.

And I really liked how the entire service was led by children. Not a token bit. The Whole Thing. This included interviewing the Archbishop of Canterbury, whose humility I admired. I appreciate for some that it might have been tricky not to have someone Ordained with a capital o to officiate over the bread and wine, but that's never an issue for me.

There was much to be delighted about at GB, I will share more soon, but for now, how ace is it to know that whatever, right now, is dividing you from anyone else - that's not going to last forever. I think we all have a responsibility to work on whatever that barrier is in the meantime, to make it sooner. But eventually, we are not going to be divided from anyone. Hurrah!!!!!!

car treasure hunts

(I've not forgotten about greenbelt. Most certainly not. Just still not had time to blog about it fully yet.)

Yesterday I got to go to the wedding of someone special to me - she has mattered to me since before she was born, and it was lovely to go and celebrate with her and her family - there was a violinist on a sunny courtyard whilst we ate our arrival icecream and it was very lovely indeed. I don't think I've ever had a meal that involved a palette cleansing sorbet in between the courses, or used a loo where there were individual hand towels that then went immediately in a laundry basket.

To get to the reception we had to follow printed directions, the format of which (the style, even the font) took me back to my high school days and happy memories of car treasure hunts. The environmentalist in my nowadays wouldn't let me enjoy such flagrant use of petrol, but back in the day they were a real treat. A team (such as the aforementioned family before they had their kids) per car, following directions revolving around observable clues - counting postboxes, looking up historical plaques, days out in the country lanes having fun. Ahhhh.

I treasure those memories ;)