making use of my passport

As we "lose" an hour in the morning and it's already an early start, I'm writing tomorrow's blog now ;)
This morning involved an incredibly wet dog walk. I was reflecting to myself how rainy early mornings remind me of holidaying. I'm lucky enough to have a fair bit of flexibility in my life/work/dog walking so I often try and avoid the rainiest parts of a day. But when you wake up when camping and need a wee and it's really wet, there's not much choice but to go out in it. I then observed that my associations of holidays are then perhaps different from those folk who have sunny foreign holidays. Since my now teenage daughter was born I've had 2 weeks away abroad, one in France and one in Germany. I then realised that I will have used my passport much more for DBS/CRB checks in that time than I've used for travelling!!!

Right now my head is pounding - perhaps insufficient air/light in the room I spent the day in - sometimes I feel I'm too sensitive for my own good :(  Hoping tomorrow is less headachy.

doing my best for bees

"Don't think of what could go wrong, think of what could go right"

I'm a person who often ponders what ifs and I've been trying to do that less really and instead go with the what is, the joy of the here and now. I love the above quote, especially as I believe we construct a lot of our own reality, that if our intentions are positive, we can make that positivity happen. Sometimes I worry that if I look forwards to something too much I might get disappointed. And I'm looking forwards to these next few days a lot. So much singing!! And then so much hanging out time!!

Of course positive thinking doesn't mean life goes smoothly, it won't stop planes or cars from crashing and I don't want to seem to belittle anyone's tough situations. I don't know that I would have the strength to remain kind with my captors in the way I've heard some folk be.

I had a delightful 20 minutes or so sat on the pavement near my house yesterday. I'd seen a bee that I knew would get stamped on if it stayed sprawled, lifeless, where it was, so I took her out some sugar water on a teaspoon and watched with fascination at her long tongue sucking/lapping it up. She certainly seemed revived after but I wasn't sure if I'd helped her on her way or merely prolonged an agonizing death. Intervening in nature can be a minefield. Let's assume for now I helped keep the essential bee population alive.

living/dying

By 4pm yesterday I was collapse-in-a-heap tired (tho didn't actually get to bed til much much later). It's been a tough term, and I'm aware I'm carrying a lot of grief still and that is wearing. I still simply can't get my head around how one moment we can be here, fully alive, breathing, loving, an integral part of other people's lives, doing things that make a massive difference to others as well as doing a whole lot of insignificant things like farting, doing crosswords, clearing up. And then we're not. I'm still shocked by the loss of my friend. And like many, I'm horrified by the thought that someone might intentionally take the lives of others - all those lives, ended.
I'm very grateful that I have a weekend full of singing (2 choirs tonight and then even tho it means early starts, a vast amount of Gospel singing on both sat and sun!), and then several days full of opportunities just to hang out with those I love. That for me, is living.

And for anyone who wants something a bit lighter, this tickled me:
http://distractify.com/pinar/top-of-the-charts-music-lyrics/

little precious

Some wednesday nights the kids go to their dads and the next morning I hover so as to get a quick hug with my boy before school starts, all the more precious as I've not seen him the night before/that morning. He only has one term left at the school opposite and then we won't be able to do that any more. I'll miss that and am trying to make the most of the time we have right now.

Things are feeling a bit difficult at the moment. I even wondered if my texts weren't working this morning as I had done lots of putting out and not getting back - but then I got a flurry. Maybe it was a patience test thing? Nearly Easter and I can go back to being an impatient grump ;)
I have had a smile brought to my face tho by a lovely email interchange with a customer service bod at Ecover. I was nice to them and they were nice back, it was a mutual appreciation thing that can be so affirming :)

love, remember

Next week I'm taking annual leave from all my jobs at the same time - wooo! Monday I have data and report writing cos it's the end of the month, a foolish time to be away, but then I shall be off and won't even take my work phones with me when I go away for a few days. Once I'm back I shall have to try hard not to work, but I know it will be good for me if I try to properly relax. I keep finding things that I think "oooh, I could take that with me to do on holiday." Like sew on all the new badges now my boy has grown from a cub to a scout, and take the two books I need to review/find passages from for the next alternative worship.
Mainly tho I'm planning to hang out - I'm going with a lovely bunch of people and simply being together will be enough :) There are changes afoot - my boyfriend was told yesterday that he's being made redundant in 3 months - so it's a good time to just hang out and share worries and hopes and stay focussed on all that is important. (That will be love. Anything that distracts us from that is just a distraction).
First tho there's all that tying up of loose ends that has to happen before taking a week off. Mustn't get distracted from that main task (love, remember!!) Sometimes I catch myself, like last night, being grumpy about having to do so many chores, and realise that I've lost my focus. Today's a new and beautiful today and my focus is really clear :) What's your focus today?

ox

I'm not into Chinese horoscopes but my boyfriend is, and he tells me I'm an Ox. I'm not sure I have the constitution of one, I'm still a bit sneezy and am aware I'm a tad rundown. But I don't do badly, I think the only time I've taken off work sick these last 5 years is when I had my operation. This is not bad considering that for work I hang around in a lot of sickly places, like doctors surgeries. Maybe it's all the hand gel I use? Or maybe the dog has even more uses than I am aware of (cuddling up to him at night has undoubtedly been brilliant for my mental health)

http://ind.pn/1MQ3rRl

As you'll be aware, my house has always been a great source of immunity building germs, rather than being an intensively bleached environment. It's all part of my carefully thought out plan, honest!

dreamscapes

I'd quite like to make a record of my dreams as I'm sure it would be interesting. Last night I noticed that for the second time in a row part of my dream was based on the street next to where I grew up (lots of my dream locations are from my childhood, I guess it's cos it's such a significant time). I'd be keen to see what my dreams are trying to tell me. I know that in the past I used to dream of the chaplain who married us (and did the marriage prep) everytime things weren't great between me and my husband.
The main bit of my dream last night had a made up location - that happens too sometimes.

Anyway, much as I'd like to lie dreaming today is a busy day, out this morning but back this afternoon to get through the things on the list.

sidetracked, me? http://www.churchrez.org/news/holy-week-myers-briggs#.VQ2orAu3Vvk.facebook