catch a falling star

I don't often gaze at the stars, tho I've been out a few times this week looking for my friend's star. I was chatting earlier with another friend about being hit by a meteor and only later discovered tonight is a great chance to see a shower of them, and so wanting to live life to the full, decided to go out and stare awhile. Sadly I spotted none (best at 2am, I can't stay up that long, they were already twinkling more than usual which I suspect is down to tired eyes at this hour). Nonetheless it was beautiful and awe inspiring and I shall endeavour to gaze more often.

Meanwhile yet another friend sent me this ace answer to a question on "What is God":
http://johnshelbyspong.com/2014/12/11/standing-on-the-boundary-between-death-and-life-charles-robinson-1931-2014-r-i-p/

There's lots I like about this, the fact that none of us can define God, but can talk about our own experiences, which he admits may be delusional, but for Bishop Spong is

"God as the Source of life calling me to live fully, as the Source of love empowering me to love wastefully, and, as the Ground of all Being (to borrow a phrase from Paul Tillich) giving me the courage to be all that I can be."

I am trying to live fully and love wastefully (tho would contest that no love is ever wasted, but I get the drift of abundance and sometimes seeming futility). Sometimes there can be obstacles. It feels as if the house is trying to ask me if I really want to be solely responsible for it - some last challenges before the mortgage gets sorted? In addition to the still unsourced leak, I'm getting increasingly concerned about the hole under the carpet in the lounge which is getting unmistakably larger. When I get chance these next few days I think I'm going to have to get it investigated. And tonight the screws from the loft hatch finally came out despite my patch up job a couple of years back. Again this is going to require a bit more technically competent sorting. Never mind, for now the house is still standing and so am I :) Hopefully only one of us is dancing :D

power/hungry

The link below is insightful, a visual juxtaposition of the realities of haves and have nots over time and space.
http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/a-brief-history-of-how-the-rich-and-poor-eat--lJgN3Wugtx
It's been so cold and stormy this week I have constantly been giving thanks for having a warm house - my girly even brought inside the little reindeer I'd bought as a gift when I went away last week. Several folk have commented on how long my hair is - this is mainly due to lack of time to cut it, but last night when I had enough opportunity I decided its just too cold to go shorn. I'm also aware that if I'm going to start applying for jobs I might be better with less controversial hair. I know that really I only want to work somewhere that accepts me just as I am, but is this an option at the interview stage? For now I'll stick with it as it is but of course could change my mind at any moment!!

O come let us adore him

The Catholic church we sang in last night was very chilly, but we still managed to bring joy with our Christmas singing :)
I've been thinking about the word "adore" recently as I realise it's not one I particularly use and wondered why. On reflection, I think it's cos I somehow see it as a distant activity, whereby an untouchable other is revered and elevated as above myself. Which isn't really my kind of way, is it? Either with people or my concept of a deity. Me, I'm less giving of adoration, and prefer my more down to earth concept of trying to love. I'm not blind to the other person's imperfections which is how I see "adoring", it's almost an infatuation with the brilliance - too many twee nativity scenes on Christmas cards? I'd like to think that love is when you see the other person's imperfections and love them anyway. Love for me is cheerfully clearing up the dog vomit when you'd rather be in your warm bed; love is staying put to try and work things out even when it gets hard; love is remembering how lovely someone is even when they're being grumpy cos it's far too early. For me yes love is patient and kind, but more realistically love is also messy and difficult at times. It doesn't make us immune to the crappy bits about others, it helps us keep forgiving despite them.
The times I've been told I'm adored I've felt a bit uncomfortable as I've felt put on a pedestal from which I'm bound to topple. But ultimately it's only semantics. As long as we're all seeing the best in each other and striving to love does it matter what words we use? So I hope today you get to both receive and give that wonderful thing-beyond-words, where you feel wonderful and fuzzy - not cos it's all heart shaped, pristine and cellophane wrapped, but cos you know you are wanted and accepted and cherished just the way you are :D

And now I've just seen this which I think is great :) http://www.pipwilson.com/2014/12/every-time-you-tell-someone-you-are.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+pipwilsonbhp+%28Pip+Wilson+bhp+......+blog%29

blown down

Maybe I'm just not meant to sleep before midnight? I've had a run of late nights recently but last night made it to bed before 11.30. Yet I then had to get up 3 times to investigate suspicious noises. All were founded and I'm glad I got up, especially after the crash from a bedroom when I debated if I really needed to leave my warm duvet. As always my conscience got the better of me, fortunately, as any more delaying and the hamster may have got away for good.
The other sounds needed forays outside, tho in the end I left the fallen wheely bin wedged where it was.
In so many ways I'm living my life the way I'd like to, and I'm very grateful for all the joys in it. And I'm also aware of just how quickly I get blown down. Some days more than others I'm waiting on the arrival of the divorce certificate and feel knocked over by the force of a broken promise. I suspect a more joyful response is to ride with the wind rather than be tossed aside by it. So once again I get to decide to be light and playful so I can float rather than be felled. Hope you too can be in touch with your lighter side B-)

one sided

I'm not a very silent person. If I read a blog I will frequently comment by way of encouragement. I'm also the sort of person who likes and comments on Facebook statuses, who sends random texts, who puts a little note in with Christmas cards -that's why they take so long to write, but they're pretty much all done now, yay!
Because we're all beautifully unique, other people are sometimes not as responsive as I am and occasionally I can doubt myself. When conversations feel a bit one sided I can wonder if I'm pushing myself forward. But I'm not going to let the fears win. I know it's just that pull for affirmations instead of trusting that everything I do is my best and doesn't have to be validated. A big part of who I am is that I love anyway. I give those teeny bits of encouragement that I feel make a difference. It only takes one person to start something off and I can be that one! I'm only responsible for what I do not what others do and whilst I sometimes think it would be ace if others were more like me, I know the truth is we are all better for being different B-)

oxygen masks

I have a fab friend (I have many fab friends, I expect I count you among them) who once very wisely reminded me of the aeroplane safety drill. In the event of an emergency, always put your own oxygen mask on first before then helping others. It makes tons of sense - if we don't, we could then run out of air and so be of no use to anyone else. But if we see to our own air supply we're then good to consistently assist as many others as needed.
As a parent, and as someone who has been brought up with a sacrificial notion of "love others as yourself" as if that were to mean loving others above yourself, I think there's a pull to put others first. If I was in a disaster with my kids I can see I'd be tempted to check they're ok first and then see to my own needs. It's what often happens in daily life. But the reality is - in both daily life as well as a crisis, that if I don't care for myself I won't be in a position to care for others.
So what are your oxygen masks? How do you remember to pull it on when the going is getting tough rather than belatedly remember you had one and forgot to get it out?
Mine include my friends who sing my song back to me when I am forgetting it. Last week I texted a friend I only have intermittent contact with, and simply said I need you to remind me how wonderful I am. She replied saying that was easy. Bless her.
I hope you have a great set of oxygen masks, if you're not sure what they are I urge you to think about it now before you actually need them. I'm always happy to give you one of mine - as long of course as I keep one for myself cos that's the whole point ;)

dancing in the hail

A good weekend "off" with almost non stop singing, it's done me the power of good. I'm just working through my emails now tho and found one from saturday telling me about something I should have done on Sunday. Oh well, the world didn't end.

I've been feeling very grateful for all you lovely folk who gave me so much support last week - your texts and emails were much appreciated and helped keep me going. And I know not all my blog readers are able to email but I'm sure you've also been wishing me well :) I'd like to think my blog readers even those who don't know me in real life, are the kind of folk who think kindly of others. Ultimately I think we are all those people, just life's hurts can squish it out of some of us.

My quote for today is "what if the dog brings the ball back cos he thinks we enjoy throwing it?" I think that's sweet and entirely possible. My limited experience of dogs has me think maybe they would like to make us happy. I know I do things for folk/the dog cos I think it makes him happy tho maybe they/he just join in cos they think it's what I want? Tho if we can find it in ourselves to enjoy everything, even cleaning the toilet, then we enjoy the ball throwing even if we feel we're not doing it for us, and does it then matter who it is for if both are content?? However, today it's dark and hailing and my desire to take the dog for a walk is non existent. I did dance in the hail last time I was caught in it, but that novelty has already worn off!!! Here's hoping things brighten/warm up.

See, it's brightening, we just have to have hope. Still not made it out with dog yet tho, been hard at work. And also seen this which is also warming: http://magazine.good.is/articles/neo-nazis-tricked