september sun

Maybe it's the sunshine but I finally, on the last day of my (broken into several pieces) holiday, found some energy to do some much needed tasks. OK, so the tent still isn't folded away yet, but I have managed to move some stuff from my bedroom floor so you can nearly see carpet now. And we have finally gotten round to some apple harvesting - for the first year it wasn't me shimming up the tree, my girly went up (for money. I suspect this may be the way forward if I'm to get on top of the too-many-tasks-for-one-person situation). Yet another death announced at church. Still some back to school stuff that's not been quite sorted. But a day where some progress has been made. Hurrah for september sun.

...
So many likes to my fb post, that I gave some apples to a neighbour who then returned in the evening with an apple crumble for me :)

insuring against the unknown

This morning I had an appointment for a health questionnaire before I can take out some kind of insurance to go alongside the new mortgage that will hopefully be in place soon. At some deep level I'm in agreement of what I understand to be the earliest forms of insurance. A community coming together to pay into a pot so those affected by something then has the means to be supported. However, it feels like somewhere along the profit making way, it's turned into something removed from that./ So I'm encouraged to pay monthly for a whole host of insurances based on a fear of the what ifs of the future.
I don't know what's going to happen and right now I don't want to spend time worrying about it, anways, I answered all the questions and will pay up the extra just cos I didn't get my act together and do this 4 days ago when it would have been cheaper, pre-birthday.
Last night was a better example of a community coming together to help provide for the unseeable. We raised £2000 in an auction of promises - I've not been to an event like that before and it was a joy to be part of. There was laughter and lots of goodwill, and I now have someone coming to help me make a bit of an inroad into my garden, which is good, as it's on the long mental list of things I'm not managing very well. And I did find a friend willing to trade my troubles for a banana juice :)
I was going to do a bit of work today to compensate for the fact that I'm going to another funeral on monday. But actually I need to do something uplifting today and away from here. Hopefully will find something and will share pics later :)

non violent communication

http://www.upworthy.com/its-probably-one-of-the-best-reactions-you-can-give-to-someone-who-doesnt-like-you?c=ufb2

It was good to watch this late last night. After a day with lots of opportunities to practice, this is a good reminder of how I'd like to respond to conflict. Conflict with strangers with a grudge, and conflict when people who really like you act like they don't like you at all. I particularly admire the guy's response when called names, being got at for being American. Rather than get defensive he uncovered more of the hurt and made sure it was heard. It really is that simple and that difficult.
I'm lucky enough to know a fair few people who teach and practice non violent communication. So as much as I am able, when people bring their outrage to me I try to understand it. That is way easier said than done tho. Our own hurts, disappointments and doubts can't half get in the way. Of course the loving thing to do is not take it personally and stay focussed on the person who is trying to share of themselves with you. Every time I manage that even a little bit I need to celebrate. It can be blooming hard tho, cos we are all interrelated and other people's shouting, and usually the things they are shouting about, can impact upon us. I definitely want to model myself on those with such big hearts that they can stay in and respond compassionately, who instead of hearing "you're not wanted here" (or whatever your own particular button is) actually hear the fear in the other person's shouting and can hold out to them that yes their needs haven't been met and so of course they are not happy. In the example above it was a stranger. I think it's harder still with loved ones as there is history there, and perhaps less holding back?! People do what they need to do - shout, pretend, run away, use stuff to numb out - we all handle our hurts as best we can. Today I shall be holding some of my own up to the light to give them some perspective, maybe give them a gentle stroke, and see if I can then leave them behind in exchange for school shoes at tescos. Those silly strategies are often the best ;)

... Some success at Tesco tho they wouldn't trade in my troubles. Will see if I can leave them at church this evening, hopefully there will be a friend or two willing to help ease them off my shoulders via some tears, laughter, hugs and a good sing.

you are accepted

I really enjoyed my birthday. So many messages of love, I felt very loved up. And bizarre as it may sound, attending a funeral felt like a real privilege and added a special depth to the day, rememebering such an inspirational man. I suspect there is so much about so many people that we just don't know. It seems a shame to learn things about people in their eulogy and not having taken the opportunity to find out more beforehand. It was interesting to get more of an insight into what inspired him. I'm not someone who understands different branches of theology, but the reading on the back of the funeral order of service interested me as I think it's important that we get a deep sense that we are accepted. The reading was taken from this:

http://www.religion-online.org/showchapter.asp?title=378&C=84

And I can't type it all out on my phone, but here's a bit - "(grace) strikes us when year after year, the longed for perfection of life does bot appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all hope and courage. Sometimes at that moment, a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: you are accepted. You are accepted. Accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much... Simply accept the fact that you are accepted." Paul Tillich.

Today was going to be a day trip out but instead we're going to do school prep and try and attend to my girlies possibly broken toe. Much as I dislike shopping I will seek out the joys and revel in the acceptance.

it's my birthday and I'll smile if I want to

My Dad hates his birthday, all the people ringing to wish him well. Tho I'm like my dad in many ways, this is not something we share. Like him, I'm not fussed about presents. he and I are two of only a handful of people I know who tell people not to buy anything and mean it. But today I am revelling in the love and good wishes a birthday brings. I enjoy the reminder that there are many people who are glad I'm in their life - and vice versa. I like the opportunity afforded by a birthday to celebrate how special a person is. Obviously we can do this everyday. But birthdays give us that nudge to let someone know they mean a lot to us - I couldn't do that for every one of my friends every day of the year, but I can do it at least on their birthday.
Even if it's not your birthday today, I hope you get reminded just how much you matter.

This morning we are having a relaxing time - kids tired from their long journey yesterday so I'm getting chance to do what i like best, connecting with friends by responding to messages on Facebook and texts and calls :-)

Tonight I get to sing. I've had 3 birthdays now since I joined one voice choir. Last year, tho not on the day itself, the choir was the main feature of my party. And amazingly both the year before and this year, the Choir have a gig on the night of my birthday raising money for those who have less than I do. How perfect is that? B-)

surrounded by ghosts

Attending a funeral wouldn't be my top choice for my birthday tomorrow, obviously. At least I'm off work tho so able to go, and he did a lot for Christian Aid, one of two local collectors who have died in just the past week. I suspect it's because I've recently time warped back to two/three decades ago, but I seem to keep thinking I see people who are no longer alive. Glances at people as I drive or walk along and I have to remind myself it can't possibly be them cos they died a few months, or even many years ago. Maybe it's all a useful recognition of some of the feelings I'm experiencing and rather than trying to kick myself into the present, I still need to be sad awhile. Or maybe, alongside the coldsores that developed a week ago, it's all signs that I need a bit more time off. Just one day in at my main job today, then a few more days R and R.

In brighter news, when I cut off the end of my toothpaste to do my usual scraping out of remnants, I discovered a clean end to the tube. Maybe they've developed a new non-stick surface that means toothpaste waste will now dramatically decrease. I'm not one for "progress" generally, as  I think the call for 'bigger, brighter, better' is a con. Less is always more in my philosophy. And less toothpaste retention is a plus for me :) Little things, little things!

extensive exercising

I really enjoyed cycling the guild wheel. As it's so varied I'm hoping my kids may stay interested too. I'm going to see if they want to do it with me as my birthday treat one day this week. Tho that may depend on my legs too. The dog didn't understand that I'd had enough exercise for the day. He had such a fabulous time last week staying in a home of someone who doesn't have a full time dog so looks after other people's for some mutual dog happiness. Happily for him but not so for me, he now thinks he is a 3-walks-a-day dog. Under my roof he is a one-walk-a-day dog. So yesterday I took him out for a run before my 21 mile bike ride, knowing I may be less keen upon my return. When I got back I was sniffed at expectantly - just in time for my early afternoon walk he thought. By evening I relented and took him out again - it was his birthday after all. (seriously. He received several wishes and greetings over the phone from those sad not to be with him on his special day. Again, seriously.)
It's a good job the kids are coming back tomorrow. I had beans on toast again last night - I wouldn't dream of cooking the same thing twice in a row when they are here. Couple of days of work for me tho first.