love languages - acts of service

One of the books I'm reading at the moment is concerned with the love languages we can use to show our teenagers how much they mean to us. We all have different ways of being able to know we are well loved and the book shares how some of us respond best to touch, or words of praise, or gifts, or time, or acts of service. The latter is something I often appreciate - when someone does something for me. My parents would do things for me when I was young - my Dad would make me a cooked breakfast, my mum washed my clothes and I never even really noticed.
Yesterday I observed how in order to take it easy today I had to work quite hard to get extra jobs done. Yet this morning I've woken up to discover that in the night my girly had cleaned the bathroom and done a load of washing. She knows well how to show me that she cares.
Whatever signs you need to know that you too are well loved, I hope you see them today. I think they are often there abundantly, we just don't always notice.

afraid of the dark

There's a song we sing at Friday night choir and if it catches me on a wobble it can set me off (to be fair there are lots of songs that if caught on a wobble I weep at. Music can be powerful like that). Fortunately a friend noticed and came over to be with me awhile. I probably need to look at why it gets to me. I'm not afraid of the actual dark, but I am afraid of getting hurt. Again. It feels like I don't get much of a let up between the storms I'm crawling through, and it's hard not to feal fearful - who likes getting hurt?


Yesterday was a bit of an odd day. I earned £21. I gave away 3 times that and also bought a rather pricey oven that is going to be delivered shortly. It had better prepare and cook all my evening meals for me ;)


Oven is here, the shelves are all silver rather than encased with burnt-on black. I went to see "home" with my boy - I enjoyed the film but I did cry. I wonder if crying uses up calories - it must be like sweat, leaving my body??

funny for money

I'm hoping to fix a few things today. One of these is my computer. My boyfriend did things to it yesterday but I think more may need to be done, including getting Chrome back as I liked that. I've smiled at the info I got today when opening this blog using internet explorer instead:


"The browser we detected is unsupported and may result in unexpected behaviour"


And my amusement is cos that's exactly what I think can happen - when we're unsupported we can go awry :)


We tried to fix the oven - impressively dismantling it, to discover the part we want to replace is welded to the inside. So today I need to look at new cookers.* Saves cleaning it I suppose.




I'm looking forward to this evening - I really enjoy Comic Relief - what's not to like - redistribution of wealth to those who have more need of it, with lots of much needed humour at the same time. I've noticed I'm still really struggling with my friend's death. I either think "what's the point?" about stuff. Or am hyper aware of things - the bright yellow of the daffodil, the warmth of the skin I touch, whatever it is I'm flooded with a gratitude that I can notice. This is a good thing, the former response less so.
Singing means I won't catch all of comic relief but that usually brings laughter too :)


*That's me £459 lighter. And I notice that I have a deep seated belief that money is for saving not spending, which I can see is really pointless. Can't take it with me, why exactly am I earning it if not to buy stuff when it is needed. I'd just rather spend it on nie things is all. So I bought myself some 15p daffodils too.

making good use of the things that we find

Motivation = zero
Stuff to do = lots

After work today I may go and look at ovens. I have discovered that the main thing I use my oven for is the clock on it. I've also discovered that unless you reset the clock when turning it on at the wall, the oven part doesn't come on, so I could just use the hob without the main oven coming on everytime I warm some beans (the knob came off jamming the main oven on at 170 degrees, so we're now controlling it only using the wall switch). So really there is no urgency. As long as I place a clock in the kitchen.

There's an empty tub in the back garden that I've failed to tidy away. Over time it's filled with rainwater and I've just watched a blackbird bathe in it. So all these millions of things that I've not managed to do - perhaps good can come out of it anyway?

...
I'm cheering up now I've discovered there's a "lyrics" function on the new look spotify - karaoke potential, but also now I can hopefully just get more of a sense of what the songs are all about :)

disconnected

Being too busy doesn't work for me. I'm feeling disconnected from my loved ones. The good news is that after today things calm down again and so hopefully I'll be able to reconnect. I did manage a bit of painting with my girly last night. And the parents eve was good - my son's teacher uttered the words "he's a credit to you". I don't know if she says this to everyone - if I was a teacher I'd say this to everyone as I believe it's what all parents need to hear. I have been thinking about a place where staff never criticise a child, only giving praise for good behaviour and only tells parents where they've done well - I think this is fab. I may not be a teacher but I am a sunday school leader and I do try and say to parents what a joy it was to have their children in the group that day. I will endeavour to do this more.
I think lots of us are pulled to notice where others could do better and think it does require effort to stay focussed on what is going well. It's a sound principle tho. I will keep applying it to myself and everyone else today :)

... still feeling disconnected. weather is grim and really i'd like to curl up in a warm duvet with the book my colleague has lent me. There's cakes at singing tonight so hopefully those - two of my favourite things - will help.

oven knobs and broomsticks

If you fall off a bike you're encouraged to get back on it. It fits with my "feel the fear and do it anyway" perspective on life. And so I was back on the motorway yesterday tho the whole thing has shaken me up so I've been feeling my feelings not stuffing them down. I was ridiculously tired last night so didn't get to do this blog then. This week is far too busy, somehow I need to find time to put fuel in the car as I don't have a broomstick, maybe I'll just have to leave for work early.
I now also need to source a new oven too as the knob snapped off. Tho a friend has suggested just buying the part. Either way it requires decision making. And as I've still not put the bath panel back together or sorted the masonry that's fallen down from the front door, it feels like things are breaking at a faster rate than I can fix them.

 At least the weather is a whole lot cheerier today.

incredibly grateful

I passed the first patience test but possibly failed the second.
We'd been for a meal out, and had just got onto the M61 pulling into the central lane as we'd need to take that lane shortly. There was clearly some kind of incident ahead and the traffic ground to a halt. After a few minutes I turned off the engine and we waited really calmly for half an hour or so, enjoying the 80s music on the radio. There was no heating and it was only 1 degree so after a while we decided to put the engine back on so we could warm up a bit. Only it wouldn't start. The headlights are automatic and so had been on all that time and drained the battery. Numerous attempts and still nothing and now the cars in front were beginning to move.

I put on my hazards and rang, a bit panicky by now, my roadside recovery people. And at that point an angel pulled up and asked if we'd like help pushing the car onto the hard shoulder. I was, and still am, so incredibly grateful to her. My brakes are controlled electronically and there was a worrying few moments where we just couldn't get the automatic brake off, but somehow (and I'm still not sure how), we did and they pushed me onto the hard shoulder. My boyfriend currently has a cracked rib. I'm grateful to him too, it's not really what you need to be doing when you have a cracked rib.

For a while I sat there with my foot jammed on the brake pedal as otherwise it kept rolling backwards (scary much?) til my boyfriend suggested we just left it in gear, and then we clambered out. And then I shuddered as I watched car after car thunder round the corner at over 70 miles an hour. If we'd still been in that central lane I can't see how it wouldn't have ended any other way than disasterously.

The rescue truck came and quickly jump started it and we made our way back. I still haven't quite returned to normal levels of cortisol. But I can't stay up too late as I have blackpool work to get to in the morning. I do feel incredibly grateful tho.