Knickers to the naysayers :-)

There are some people who tell me that I take my principles too far. I suspect that my achievement this afternoon will confirm that in their eyes... But that's their view and they're welcome to it. I am feeling super proud that rather than throw out a 20+ year old pair of favourite knickers, I used some material from the rag bag to regusset them so they look as good as new :-) This for me is not make-do-and-mend, as I don't feel I'm making do. And whilst I can afford new underwear, I don't believe the planet can...

Celebrating the cards I've been dealt

I have found this to be a very powerful quote this week, by Cheryl Strayed:
"You don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding"

Now I don't think anyone has an obligation to anything, but the quote speaks to me about what we can and can't control. I think lots of us struggle with a sense of entitlement, that our lives should be a certain way and it feels unfair that it's not. If we could let go of that, how much easier we'd find things. I definitely have cards I wouldn't have picked for myself but the more I can accept that these are my cards and there's no point wishing I had different ones, and indeed celebrate the ones I have, the better my experience of life becomes. And I do have some brilliant cards in my hand :-)

What in your own deck excites you?

Stillness

It had been a blessing to see so much of Mary Oliver's poetry shared this week, following her death. Much has been new to me. This I saw today is apt, as I write this in my dressing gown, from my bed, which has been my resting place for the day after a second dizzy spell in a few days has warned me that I need to stop awhile.

Today
-Mary Oliver

Today I’m flying low and I’m
not saying a word.
I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.

But I’m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I’m traveling
a terrific distance.

Stillness.  One of the doors
into the temple.

I maybe am meant to have more practice at letting ambition sleep - it's hard not to wish I was doing a raft of things - preparing for the week like I often do on a Sunday (no getting in fruit for the week or making of a wholesome soup to snack on. I have managed to put the bins out and washing on, tho, woo hoo). I've had to forego one of my favourite services of the year. I really hope I am travelling a great distance and that my body will be fully recovered for another action packed work week. Til then it's more letting go and snoozing...

Recreation

I am slowly but surely rearranging stuff in my bedroom so that it is more of a relaxing space. My yoga mat is now constantly out as that way I'm more likely to use it. Just a bit more clutter to shift and then I won't keep resting on files when I do my sidewards floor stretches :-)
I have even shifted most of the clothes that perch on the rocking chair and on several occasions today have sat in it, next to the window, reading, casting glances at the sky and tree branches. Bliss.
The whole day has been filled with doing the kind of things I like to do, a really good balance. For exercise I have walked the dog and done some morning yoga, I'm intending to do a nighttime one before bed too. I've eaten nice things not just cake, tho obviously cake. Hummous and salad too). I've sung in church and stretched my mind around some Buddhist teachings in my latest book. I have had two wonderful phone conversations with friends, one of whom I've not spoken to in over a year. My plan after tea is a novel in the bath.
There of course has been the usual Sunday chores of washing and bins and the food shop but mainly it has been filled with what I needed. I hope you too have managed the recreation you need :-)

The places that scare you

Faster than I'm making my way through my book pile, I'm generating a list of more books I'm keen to read. Brene Brown is inspirational, so as well as the rest of her collection, she refers to a book by Pema Chodron called "the places that scare you" that sounds brilliant. I'm currently reading about empathy and compassion in Brene's book, and was struck by her comment that compassion is not always listening to someone's story, but sometimes sitting alongside someone in their fear about not being ready to share. I wonder if as I myself do a lot of sharing, weeping and reflecting on my darker aspects, maybe I'm sometimes not as patient as I could be with those less willing to soul search?

In the book I'm now ordered to read next, Chodron explains "Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. The trick to doing this is to stay with the emotional distress without tightening into aversion, to let fear soften us rather than harden into resistance."
This sounds remarkably like the kind of counselling I do. And I like how Brene calls compassion a practice, as we have to keep practising, and make a commitment to it.

I've also been amused by a clip on the internet of a dog who watches their owner put a dog treat under one of two beakers, follows it as they are switched several times and successfully identifies which one it is so is rewarded with the treat. Then looks incredulous when the other beaker is lifted to reveal a mountain of treats. For some reason this really speaks to me. Not only how humans can be mean and superior (which I'm thinking about a lot at the moment in relation to climate change), but how I too perhaps slavishly follow what I think is the prize, keeping my eyes on what others set up for me to focus on. What if we too mistakenly assume the other options are less rewarding? Food for thought :-)

Talk sing move

Nearly a week in and so far I'm doing ok with the resolutions. Whilst I've not actually made any concrete plans yet, I've made a start contacting a couple of friends to arrange to meet up.
On a few occasions I've made a conscious effort to put my tablet down and pick up my book instead so I'm pleased about that. And I've managed a short yoga session most days :-)

Yesterday I was really struggling with my mental health and was particularly proud of myself for remembering the central tenet of the Fischy song, "keep the blues away" which encourages us to talk, sing, move. My usual go-to tactics are the first two but I tried the third. I wanted to cycle to my nearby cafe but apparently the bikes needed checking over so it was suggested we walked instead. This might have been a bluff but I agreed, and set off at a fast pace, as after all the point was to get the endorphins going, not merely amble. At 9.75 miles it was dark by the time we got back, but it certainly helped.

The camera never lies/ visual distortions

I've long known that images are very much constructed rather than a reflection of reality. When I visited the pyramids near Cairo I was cross with myself for only taking classic shots when I could have taken a photo that showed how close they are to urban life rather than in the middle of nowhere which my pictures suggested. Still those were the days of developing roles of film when each shutter click was more precious.
Over the festive period I've been struck by how many photos in my facebook feed displayed parents hanging out with their offspring and I've wanted to ask how that happens for them. Only then I realised that my current profile pic is of me with my two, a nanosecond of time when we did share the same airspace so I captured it and made it my pic so I could celebrate such an occurrence. Whilst _I _know how rare that moment was, anyone seeing it might think it reflects my whole life, when it is of course just a snapshot, like every one else's pictures.

Disruption

I noticed that one of the things I like most about walks in Dufton is the sound of streams tinkling over rocks. In observing that the places that I find most beautiful are the patches where the surface is disturbed, it reminded me of a recent conversation with a colleague. It was pointed out that our times of greatest learning are at times of disruption, when our thoughts are shaken from well worn grooves. And I reflected that I have found this true for me too. My most significant personal learning and growth have occurred when my circumstances have been most disturbed, not at times of smoothness.

That's a bit of a nuisance tho. Times of ease are more comfortable than times of disruption. Pesky that.