coping strategies

I'm building up a collection of unpublished blogs. I use it as one of my coping strategies, the writing of stuff to get clarity on what is going on for me. And then conclude the world is better if I keep it to myself.
I shared a post on Facebook last night that is going down well. A whole range of coping strategies.

https://www.facebook.com/OurMindfulJourney/photos/a.281543221949017.44615.280994372003902/669542069815795/?type=3&theater

No-one as yet has taken me up on my question as to what else they would add that sometimes works for them. I did wonder if anyone would suggest alcohol, so I'm glad that hasn't happened. Given my commitment to my emotional health, it won't surprise you to learn that I employ every one of the suggested types of coping mechanisms. My main one tho is accessing my higher self (and I love that title for a set of strategies). This means that even tho it has been such a tough year, I feel I have left things in a better state than I found them.

My kids are travelling home today. Will be glad to have them back in my arms.

One of Facebook 's offerings today is:
A person who blames others, their lesson has not begun. A person who blames themselves,  their lesson is beginning.  A person who blames no-one,  their lesson is finished.

This I have found thought provoking.  I'm not sure I totally agree,  but I like the concept that we often hit out grumpily first, and it is only when we reflect on what ia going on for us that we then grow and move on from the situation.

There is another quote I'd like to share,  from Henri nouwen:
"So much of our energy, time and money goes into maintaining distance from one another. Many if not most of the resources of the world are used to defend ourselves against each other, to maintain or increase our power, and to safeguard our own privileged position.

Imagine all that effort being put in the service of peace and reconciliation! Would there be any poverty? Would there be crimes and wars? Just imagine that there was no longer fear among people, no longer any rivalry, hostility, bitterness or revenge. Just imagine all the people on this planet holding hands and forming one large circle of love. We say "I can't imagine" but God says "that's what I imagine, a whole world not only created but also living in my image"

I think I strive for a connected world and today am sad as I don't feel as well connected with as many as I'd like. I can feel the barriers. I can keep imagining tho, and see what we can create and live :-)

... today's blog has been a bit all over the place, sorry about that. Kids are back now, settled in front of their screens. Hearing the hail bounce from the window has me glad we have no plans to go out.

reluctance

Battling reluctance today.
Maybe there will be more people than I expect at the event I'm leading today.
More later when I've found my joie de vivre.

Well I've not found it yet, but if I was to place bets on where I might find it, a strong contender would be the jar of lemon curd I opened today. It was a gift from me but I can see I may well eat most of it.

There were indeed more people than anticipated this afternoon, so that was a good thing. I have a bit more work to do then will join in with the drinking.

used up?

I read a shocking statistic about how little of the stuff given at Christmas is still in use 6 months hence. The article was criticizing the novelty gifts that quickly make their way to landfill or simply sit unused a shelf. It's one of the aspects of Christmas I find hardest to stomach. Thankfully some of the items I have been given will no longer be around simply because I have already used up a goodly amount of what I've been given. I have eaten copious amounts of chocolate, cheese, and have enjoyed the two bath bombs I was given.

I spent a little of my time off looking into second hand electric, and hybrid cars. I'm still tempted but will need to save more. And then remember that most of my contracts are up for renewal in the next few months, so major outlays would be silly anyway. My current car needs a few parts that are not cheap, hence me wondering if now was the time to get something different. I shall hope it lasts me a bit longer yet.

Life is uncertain, of that we can be sure. I'm still out of emotional sorts and was running through my year in readiness to try and explain something to someone. I realised that if I was listening to myself, I would not be surprised at how I was feeling. Listening to ourselves is a good thing :-)

Just two days back at work before I can then get back to the serious task of my reading. I've started s second promising book. More once I know for definite if it's worth recommending. So far my like is based mainly on its cover and we all know you should never judge...

the day after the day after

The day after Sunday is Monday, that I'm very aware of. The day after the day after boxing day could be anyone's guess. And so it was with dismay that I was woken by the recycling truck and realised it is Monday and I'd not put the bins out. Taking my finger off the ball has its consequences. I'm keeping everything crossed that only the green bins have been emptied so far, and have just put the very full cardboard packed one out, and the not too bad but will get full soon blue one, which contains glass and tins, used abundantly at this time of year.
First world problems.
Phew, they have been emptied!!
Already thinking about being back at work tomorrow. Need to keep that at bay and focus on today.
The river level is back to zero on the now very visible marker. I've finished my book. Don't feel as happy as I'd like, but I do have an empty recycling bin.

guilt free pleasures

Today I have a date with Dan. I won't be dressing up. I was chatting to one of my scientist friends about Dan's books and she gets irritated by the inaccuracies. I said I just love the page turning story and pay very little attention to any details and any art or science mentioned doesn't really register. She borrowed another :-)
I have started the day by checking my diary - Christmas eve I missed something as I hadnt even looked at My diary. I was tempted not to look today as I really want to do nothing and would have been alarmed if I discovered it said I was on Sunday school or something. But I wanted to read guilt free and so I checked. Nothing, phew. For the same reason I checked my work email.
And now its just me and Dan :-)

Love love loving the feeling of not having any deadlines that I have to get me or my offspring to.the floodwater nearby has receded.  Here are pics taken about 24 hours apart - the depth marker can barely be seem in one, just its tip. Today I had to shield the lens with my hand as the sun otherwise made the shot impossible.

My shoulders feel so much lower than where I realise they usually are. I am going to take time out more often.

where is it all coming from?

The rain has been relentless. Driving yesterday, water pooled along the edge of each road as it simply couldn't run into the drains as there is no space left in the drains. Folks in a nearby village are once more being evacuated. Our temporary lake seems to have become a permanent feature.
It's 11am and I've still not properly got up. My plan is to do very little indeed these next few days. We have a family party this afternoon that I'm looking forward to. Then I don't intend to leave my duvet and book for a couple of days. Maybe by then the rain will have stopped.
Our nearest waterway has burst its banks.  Our house will be fine,  but sad to see everything nearby inundated.

Hope everyone is ok despite the water. Had one of the best puddings ever - bread and butter pudding with chocolate and marmalade. Nom nom.

time to go

I'm always grumpy before the kids go away, so it's a shame that every Christmas day they leave for a week.
But in better news I have just made the best roast potatoes I have ever made.
I have made many a Christmas dinner, and even once made a Sunday lunch for twenty odd folk at the homeless hostel I volunteered full time at.
But today I was a bit nervous as I usually cook alone and therefore have control. Today I was in charge whilst my boyfriend took his daughter to work, but hadn't got my usual handle on times. Anyway, all was well and I was very very pleased with the potatoes.

8.30pm and my headache means I can do no more. To bed.

I feel much better for 12 hours of sleep :-)

Trying

This year has been one of the most challenging that I can remember.  Maybe I just have a short memory as I'm getting older. But I will be glad when the year is done and I'm hoping next year will have fewer challenges,  tho realise there is not much chance of that. I take my hat off to those in trickier circumstances who manage to get through.
Some of the struggle arises from the isolation when challenges can't be made public.  I'm grateful to those who have supported me when things have been roughest. There have been many times when I've found strength to deal with things I didn't think I'd be able to. And times when I have discovered my limits.
My new year's resolution is to strengthen my support network further as changes this year means that my places where I have been able to find support have shifted.
But first Christmas.

Turns out it is harder than you'd think to deliver gifts on Christmas eve in a Santa mask. It was my friends idea that I wear a disguise - meant I kept the anonymity without having to knock on the door and run. Lots of folk weren't there tho. Maybe I'll try a different day next year. I had one opportunity to do a good listen tho, so that was worth it.

Write your name

Unaccustomed as I am to home improvements,  I didn't consider the dust that would ensue from the window being put into the loft wall. The window is ace. The dust is not. Not sure when today I will get chance to finish trying to deal with it all, last day of work for a few days, running straight into a call before going out to carol sing at the station.
Its a good job I've got some days off coming up. I'm the most stressed I've been in a long time. I think it's a big jump from 3 to 5 people's stuff, especially with all the Christmas gubbins out too. I got up two hours before my alarm to clear the clutter from the dresser so that people can use that surface.

and relax? Think it might take some time to uncoil the tightly wound spring I have become. Singing usually helps.

Siren

We're going to try and make more headway on the buffet leftovers before heading home. The siren has sounded in Appleby so we might have a detour as the bridge may be shut.

... We made it back, tho had to detour as indeed, Appleby is once more under water :(

70 cakes

The party doesn't start til 2pm. There is a vast array of cakes to be consumed this evening. Not to mention the trifles and the buffet that precedes it. But before that,  party games. And even earlier,  a walk to burn off all those calories we are about to consume.

Apparently the whole of Appleby is dressed up too. This isn't for my mum to,  but a royal post flood visit. The river is high again.

So many hours planning have gone into today,  I've been worried that there will be disappointment when it inevitably doesn't go to plan.  As always I find it tricky with so many people I want to be happy. I will keep reminding myself I'm not responsible for everyone and that we are all doing our best :-)

Will add photo of cakes tomorrow once back on my own Wifi rather than the limited one here.

The man now uncle

My parents are made up by the fact my sister has suggested that my boyfriend is now called uncle by her three boys. He is also very touched and yesterday took his role seriously and we took most of the kids on a rainy walk. We were doing pretty well following frequent reminders from myself that the stream water needed to stay below the top of their wellies.  Coming out the other side of the ghyll,  the littlest then jumped in massive puddle,  the water in which went up and then down straight inside the wellies.
I am hoping we will be entrusted to do it all over again today. It's incredibly mild here but also rather damp. I'm managing not to hang out on Facebook whilst folk are around, which is a good thing - when I went on last night I was reminded of all the events I could have been at this weekend. I'm sad not to be there as there are so many traditional favourites with some of my dearly beloveds. Those of you reading this who are at them, I hope you have a wonderful time :-) This afternoon the plan is for all 11 of us to go to chapel here for the carol service,  I hope that too will be wonderful :-)

I will hold on hope

One of the themes running through the fairytale programme that we are watching is of whether to believe people can change for the better. I like the staggered revelations as to why the "baddies" in the present became that way. They all start as good and through humiliation turn to a darker side, and I find it easier to view them kindly once their past is portrayed.
Change is tough. We can get into our well defended default ways of being and it can be hard to shift out of them.
Today has had more than its fair share of disappointments, but it has had its positives too. I can see how if you live with an attitude of belief that change is possible, we can set ourselves up to be let down. Those characters in the tv series who hold out hope are the ones dashed hardest when that change doesn't seem to have been for real. And yet so far at least, those who refuse to see the potential in others, are not those I identify with most strongly. If we don't keep looking for the best then what do we have?

Cumbria is very wet!

rushhhhhhhhhh

This is my second busiest week of the year (surpassed only by Christian Aid Week). I've been out every evening and will need to explain to our guest that it's not usually like this. It has been lovely tho - lots of celebrating with those alongside whom I volunteer and work day by day. Our singing earned the accolade of "fine" which whilst not over-enthusiastic will do in terms of praise.
The rushing doesn't stop just yet even tho school finishes today- whilst I'd love a lie in tomorrow, we have to get away early and I think the weekend celebrations will be full on. The one day of work I then come back to might be interesting - will it be trying to do a week's work in the one day? Will it mean today's day at work I'm trying to cram in lots before I leave?

Yesterday I was very glad to have time to contact some friends in need of connection rather than it all be about rushing. I think it's good to remember what it is all about, and it certainly isn't about rushing.

... Well, there was a fair bit of cramming. Now to pack, and take a book to my son's iceskating rather than dash there and back twice. Usually when we go to Dufton it is for some unwinding, I think this weekend will be different, but hopefully delightful nonetheless. I'll blog when I can but am determined to focus on my family rather than facebook :)

hug hub business plan

The short talk in the carol service got me thinking about what surprise gift I could leave on doorsteps in a festive twist on knock-a-door-run. I concluded that fun tho that would be, it probably doesn't make sense for my elderly neighbours to not have anyone be there when the bell was rung, or to have to lean down to pick up the poinsettia or chocolate orange or whatever I settle on. So it will be better to stay put to hand it over rather than leave an anonymous gift. That will be my activity on christmas eve :-)
My mind then also wandered to what I might need to do were I to set up my cuddle shop. I think it is going to be a while yet til the church community cafe is built. I wonder if it would need a Herculean effort to have a pop up shop for a week? There is one nearby that is empty at the moment. I like the idea of having a play at it for a week, not needing to set up a business account or worry about making wages, but doing it on a voluntary basis in a week's annual leave.

Actions:
Find someone who knows about week long pop up shops. How does the elec bills work? Who do I need to approach to find about renting it just for a week?

How would I advertise it, if its only for a week? Would a poster in the window be enough saying "come in for a cuddle". For now I like the name "hug hub", but wouldn't be getting a sign for just a week.

Who could I get onto a Rota to be present with me - for my safety, and safeguarding, it makes no sense to be on my own at any point.

What would I need? My plan is to offer brews, biscuits, a listening ear and hugs. A sofa would make sense, where could I get one of those and how would it get there? Could I get a supermarket to donate the refreshments? Co-op might be up for supporting that kind of thing?

... And having slept on it, I think I'm back to the thought that I don't really need a place yet - coming over the threshold I think would be too challenging for folks. My first step I think is to make a "free hugs" placard and to hang about in the park to hug and listen. No brews yet.

the shore shall wait

My intrigue was piqued by the signpost I saw on my way to the cafe where we were gathering for our meeting. Labelled "the shore" I was v keen to check it out. And so having set our next meeting destination as a cafe in Bolton le Sands complete with log fire, I set home and decided to divert to check out the shore.

Not far in tho I realised it wasn't my best decision, the car needed to get to the garage with its array of advisory lights, and I was desperate for a wee. When I encountered (for the second time today) a completely flood filled road, I did a u turn and will save the adventure for another day.

This should be sideways but right now I don't know how to do that... Best card received so far?

So back and lots of work still to do before tonight's carol service.

me myself and I

Feeling a bit like superwoman today.
Need a rest before I go out again later, tho it's for a work do so should be jolly.
Blogging is getting a bit pushed out by work and juggling everything else. Sorry.
Finallly sat down now (not checked work emails yet) and just got a text saying to go meet my boy.

(looks forwards to the 27th Dec and that fire and that book).

Back briefly and here's a quote from dodinsky I just saw and liked:
Happy people don't go through life collecting recognition. They go through life giving it away.

this time of year

Every year, this is the week my car needs to go to the garage for something or other. It's always a bit tense, as they are about to close for Christmas, I'm about to do a long journey, and I still need to get to work somehow. They have fitted it in for weds afternoon so hopefully they will sort it then. There is currently a festive display of advisory lights on the dashboard so hopefully it will be fine til then.

Meanwhile even tho it is Monday, I'm off to Blackpool. I'm a bit nervous about the afternoon's workshop, but all will be well.

It was indeed well.

sit still!

It was commented that I'm my father's daughter and don't really sit still and relax. My retort is that there is so much to do. At the best of times I rarely just watch the tv, I am usually sewing a name label into school uniform or something at the same time. This time of year I don't even watch tv from the sofa - wrapping presents, writing cards, making up a pass the parcel whilst also trying to follow the storyline.
I'm feeling run down tho and so am planning to do a lot of sitting still during my 5 days off. No simultaneously doing tasks during my supposed down time. My plan is to read, in front of the fire. And that's it!

Except of those 5 days 3 are "big days", there is always plenty to do on Christmas eve, day and then boxing day. But I'll read the day after, oh yes!

itchy tinsel

On my news feed this morning:
"Don't wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now otherwise you'll run out of time."

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I think some other folk do a good job of hiding how complicated their lives are tho, and often we can think it is just us. Tho maybe I am juggling a lot right now. Not long til a break at Christmas - this year Christmas falls on good days for me and I will have 5 consecutive days off :) And prior to that a much looked forwards to long weekend with my family in Cumbria (detour to get there may be necessary).

But today there is a bit of work and some carol singing in a supermarket. I feel the need for a warmer scarf than the colour co-ordinated one I'm wearing. And I suspect the tinsel will get itchy.

.... I put the tinsel around the outside of my hat - no itchiness at all :)
This is good : http://www.pipwilson.com/2015/12/a-waste-of-paper.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+pipwilsonbhp+%28Pip+Wilson+bhp+......+blog%29

messy

Off to help run messy church before choir. Its been a day. All just stuffy stuff. Hopefully more time and space over the weekend to blog.

Someone commented that I was taking the word messy, in messy church, seriously :-) 

gotta wear shades

Scary meeting today about The Future - this is one of the things that has been keeping me awake at night - hopefully I'll feel better for having had the meeting. And whilst it's fine to notice and feel the scary feelings, it is also important to remember that nothing has so far happened in my life that I wasn't able to handle. And also right to remind myself that work is just a small part of who I am - my life is full of meaning and purpose way beyond what I get paid to do :)

fret fret worry worry

I _know_ worry only robs us of happiness. And yet it is something I'm prone to, and last night the worrying resulted in me coming up with another solution to a problem - by not letting my mind leave it alone, I worked it over and over until I came up with something I was happy with. I think it has its place.

In my work with new parents I encounter a lot of worry, but I think it's something that is supposed to happen - we are supposed to have concern for the creature we are solely responsible for. If we don't have their every little situation monitored, who will?

It's when it spills over into our enjoyment of the present that it becomes tricky. I found it hard to switch off and sing as my concern lay in  different place than the venue I was in. And I think the responsibility aspect can be tough. It's when we feel isolated, if it is all down to us.

So I get to notice that in the places where I feel solely responsible, as a single parent for example, is where I find things hard. I sent a text of thanks today to a lone carer I know, in acknowledgment of the great job they are doing. I think we all need reminding we're not in this on our own.

what day is it?

I was supposed to be switching job days around this week but because of my cancelled meeting I'm going into Blackpool today after all. But I can tell it is going to have me confused all day - I keep struggling to remember if it is Tuesday or not. In one piece of progress tho, I woke in the middle of the night, and one of my first thoughts is usually to remember what day it is and then my brain goes straight into thinking about what I must do on that day. Last night when I woke, the question formulated and a brilliant answer materialised "It doesn't matter what day it is" and I quickly went back to sleep (to dream about a cafe where they sold biscuits shaped like feet and you ordered your biscuit in shoe size according to how big a biscuit you wanted!!). I wonder if I can get my brain to do that every night?? (Not worry what day it is, rather than dream about biscuits).

Having a fire alarm go off this afternoon, when it always go off on a weds afternoon (weekly test) didn't help get my days distinguished. And singing with one voice is usually a Wednesday thing too!

Lets hope actual Wednesday is better than today's fake Wednesday!! There's likelihood of a free buffet so i have high hopes...

waterscape

My week has become more uncertain as meetings etc might be cancelled as folk can't get out of Morecambe and Lancaster. This is nowhere near the amount of disruption others I know are experiencing - no power, homes flooded, possessions ruined, roads gridlocked. There's so much we take for granted.

Our new lake had birds settled on it. Some geese flying overhead were circling as if lost - I wonder if they fly according to remembered topography and get confused when a whole new waterscape appears.
So whilst I still feel under the weather today, I'm glad that is not literal and that I'm not right now bailing out sewage from my lounge or having to shower in cold water.

rising

Head hurting. Plan to get Christmas cards written shelved for now until I'm feeling better. I'm glad the rain has stopped though aware the impact will last some time yet.

no quick fix

This week saw me attempt to answer the question what I would have done about Hitler. The question came with the presumed answer that I would have done nothing. I think there is a false concept of pacifists as passive, as I already mentioned this week.
For me the answer is always about love and relationship building. About trying to find out more about what is going on for the other person. One difficulty is that this takes time. Five quick minutes is not going to do it - though is still better than nothing, its amazing what you can find out even in 5 minutes.
Bombing is a quick in and out event. I'm sure there is much work that goes into building the bomb and training the bomber, this is why it is so expensive. Tho of course I'm glad it's expensive, if it was cheap it would happen even more often. Relationship building is not a speedy response.
Another difficulty is that because it is a sustained experience, it requires patience and tenacity. Not giving up when we get hurt or rejected. An awareness of all that is going on for us so we can stay focussed on the task in hand rather than derailed by our own doubts. Just as much training as a bomber.
It can be easy to lose heart. The results are no way as dramatic or tangible as the measurable carnage left by a bomb. Sometimes we can wonder if we made a difference at all, or actually made things worse.
Time for a sing.

Singing was fab. And I've even enjoyed making a pudding for tonight.  My parents are in an area declared dangerous but they are fine,  can't get to their nearest town, but have enough provisions to last at least month :-)

Decs

Not in a festive mood yet but girly was very keen to put up tree :)

Supposed to be giving blood today after work, will see how my cold is. Hope it doesn't make me late for choir. 

Too sneezy to give blood but not too sneezy to sing :D

violence begets violence

Very heavy hearted today that politicians have voted to kill people. Killing people is NEVER the answer. They do not represent me or the many amongst my friends who agree that violence doesn't solve anything.
Sometimes people confuse pacifism with passivity, yet some of my pacifist friends are amongst the most activist I know. I will need to grieve this decision and work out what actions I need to take now.

Well, other than designing a new profile pic, I decided that we need to reach out and be together with our feelings, rather than isolated. I was v touched that a friend messaged me a virtual hug as she knew I'd be feeling disappointed. So I similarly got in touch with someone I knew would be v sad. And then I worked out what kind of message I did want to put on facebook - an encouragement for anyone who was similarly feeling a bit powerless, to read David's fab worldchanging book, an antidote to powerlessness :)

blurry at the edges

My new glasses are taking a little bit of getting used to - the lenses aren't as large and so I am noticing the frames more - especially the red bits at the outside of my vision. No doubt it will soon be something I've totally adjusted to.
Meanwhile, today has been incredibly full on. Dashed back from one job, about the check emails from a second and then straight out to deliver a session for my third before I can go to choir for a chill out! Somedays I wonder about the wisdom of having several part time jobs.

nuns

My initial concept of nuns was formed through films (one of my favourite films when younger was nuns on the run, for example, as my blog tells me I have already told you). I then got to meet real nuns, in Ireland and England, and all those I have met have been kindly and in some cases jolly.
And so it has been a bitter blow to start reading one of the books on my shelf about the horrific experiences of a young Irish girl at the hands of nuns in the 1950s. She was let down many times and the book is harrowing. I think it is on my shelf as an unread present from my parents, an unexpected choice of gift and whilst its not a pleasant read it's certainly helping me to count my blessings, tho also having me question how some folk act the way they do.
We have so much, and so much to be grateful for.
I met a man on Sunday and on asking how he was, his response was "thankful" and it's such a wise answer, modeling a reminder of how we can be. I may steal it :-)

... I picked up my new glasses, and also did a bit of Christmas shopping :) I bought a pack of cards in each of the charity shops I went in - wonder how many I will actually write???