our relationship is unique

I’ve been thinking about love again. and connections. I’ve not got any further yet with Rob Bell - too busy building connections... but what I’ve read so far I really like. I think we are all striving to connect. Sometimes it’s really easy to connect, we hit it off straightaway, sometimes it’s a struggle... Sometimes it starts easy and gets trickier, we hit obstacles and have to decide whether it’s worth working through or not.

A wise friend pointed out to me that there’s no such thing as “special friends”. Every single friendship and relationship and interaction we have is special. Is unique. But this hurt filled and competition-ridden world we live in can have us contrast and compare all the time. Do they like me more now than they used to? Do they like me more than they like someone else?

At any moment, we need to love and pay attention to whoever we are with - work colleagues, shop assistant, best friend or someone else’s children - whoever is there in front of us. Are some relationships more special than others? Some we’ve made commitments to, to work out whatever comes along. Some friendships we put more energy into than others to ensure we get to spend time together. Yet some of the most special times are unplanned moments of laughter, connection, or just being in the right place at the right time to give a stranger a hand just when they most need it. And in every interaction, there’s so much opportunity to connect, to love, to learn more about the other as well as more about ourselves. How fab is that? :)

Angels

I don’t believe in an interventionist God. (Good to start a blog with a Nick Cave quote, methinks). I think for good/God to happen, it’s us that has to do it. All the time I think we have choices, as I’ve mentioned before, about acting out of love or fear, out of self interest, or thinking of others.

I know so many amazing people. People who care passionately for others, for justice. People who care passionately for me, and for my loved ones. I sometimes think of them as angels - people who are in the right place at the right time, for a friendly hug, for a listening ear, people who help remind me that I don’t have to be hard on myself - I could just be as kind to myself as I am to others.

No doubt you have angels in your life too - hope you get to cherish them today :)

Welcome

I’ve recently acquainted myself with a lot of doors in my home town and whilst waiting to see if the person who was behind it would actually open the door or not, I got to notice some of the variety of welcoming attitudes that people display.

One garden was festooned with lovely signs saying “love” and “hope” and “welcome”.

Another door seemed almost buried in stickers proclaiming a variety of people and items that would not be welcome under any circumstances:

“no Jehovah’s Witnesses”

“no salesmen”

“no canvassers”

“no junk mail or circulars”

I try really hard not to judge whilst I’m going round - it’s not my place to hold views on how people live, spend their money, or give their money. But I definitely got to feel the different vibes given off by different places. I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness, but I wonder what it’s like to see a sign like that and know that you have been singled out as being unwanted? It’s not all that long ago when signs could be found on pubs, shops or buses, banning various groups of people just because of their identity. And still today some groups of peope are made to feel unwelcome just because of who they are.

The Mars Bar I was given this week by a kind stranger lifted my spirits immensly. I’ve put a tub of small chocolates by my front door now, so the next time someone is round to try and sell me something, I can sweeten my refusal of their wares...

little connections

life i’d say, for the most part, is not made up of the momentous stuff, but the myriad little ordinary moments. the repetitive work and household tasks. the potentially boring things we do in order to exist - eating, sleeping, buying toilet roll, and cleaning (occasionally).

today has in many ways been a very unspectacular day - and yet i’ve noticed today what a wonderful wonderful day it has been, and just how content i am.

for me, it’s the little connections that make my life complete.

it’s why i love facebook - those five word messages that uplift, inspire, make smile, whether it’s with somene i’ve not seen for over a decade, or the person who left only 5 minutes before.

it’s why i love Christian Aid week - the banter as i relieve someone of all the loose change in their pockets. Or better, the brief glimpses into other people’s lives - their quirky bells, the hint of their life stories as they share that their arthritis has worsened, that they’re just in the middle of decorating, that they’ve been watching out for me to come.

it’s why i love being rooted in my community - a friendly word with they guy whose job it is to help keep the pavements clean; a brief encounter with the person scanning my baked beans; a cheery chat with a friend even tho she’s actually in a rush...

it’s why i love being a mum - looking up and seeing my children entertaining themselves with some newly concocted game on their bikes involving some complex points system...

it’s why i love hanging out with friends - getting to know someone better, their fears as well as their hopes. the things that makes them laugh, the things that have left them wounded.

and it’s why i just love being alive - those countless opportunities to connect, to listen, to smile, to share, to love :)

balancing act

I was called selfish the other day, which doesnt happen to me all that often. I don’t think of myself as a selfish person, and really don’t want to become one. However, it was a good opportunity to examine my motives and notice that I have started to get better at considering my own needs.

My decision making process is pretty selfless I would say - everything I do/buy, I try and assess: who will this help, who might it affect negatively? what’s the environmental impact? is this something essential for my life or would the money/time be more useful for someone else? i don’t always remember to include myself in the thinking - is this something that would enrich my life? Can I be gentle with myself over the inevitable compromising in this decision-making process?

Christians are asked to love others as we love ourselves. I’ve always done a lot of loving others, and think I will probably only love them as well as I can love myself. Thankfully, I love myself loads at the moment, so there’s then plenty of love for others too :)

And then there’s the balancing act. There are lots of needy people in my life and in the world, some needs I can help with, others I can’t. And if I spend all my time meeting only the needs of others, where does that leave me? (Usually completely knackered and ill by the end of Christian Aid Week!!) I think lots of people, and women in particular, are encouraged to put other people first. It can make it hard for us to be in touch with what it is we need for ourselves, what it is we want for our own lives. As part of my commitment to myself, I am trying to think better - what is it that makes me happy, how is it I want to live this, my one shot at existence? Fortunately, a lot of what brings me happiness is making others happy, making things fairer for everyone. And sometimes what makes me happy is not going to please everyone else, cos that is impossible! Campaigning about injustice can make people uncomfortable. Having a social life means I’m not always there for my children. So I get to face the fact that the things I do may not be what others would do, and may not be to their liking... but only I can choose what I think is right for me.

You’ll have your own various priorities you’re trying to juggle... hope you manage to balance them in a way that brings you contentment :)

how we love

I’ve been described as many things in my life - a geography teacher once called me a whirlwind, and on more than one occasion i’ve been termed a breath of fresh air. I like that I can sweep in and unsettle, leaving people and situations changed.

I’ve recently been told that I go around “love bombing” people and agree that this is an interesting metaphor for what I do sometimes. I do beleive the meaning of life is to love one another as best as we possibly can. Clearly, every person is unique, and every interaction/relationship we have is unique - we can't have a one-approach-fits-all way of loving each other. For some people a gentle love, for one or two special people, may be the way they love. Perhaps I have a more terrorist apporach - full on blowing up of previous expectations, initiating a re-evaluation of what was before.

For a pacifist, it may seem a bit odd that the way I love is not more soothing - whirlwinds and bombs wreak devestation, and are uninvited, and unwelcome. So maybe i need to rethink, get people’s permission - we’re back to the warning sticker of my first blog.

Is it irresponsible to show people that life can be full of joy, full of love, that they are totally brilliant... and then walk away? Or in setting off love bombs am i then responsible for helping the person pick up any pieces they want to keep? Is that a lifelong process?

The model of love I read about in the gospels is of a radical, total love of people - an acceptance of who they are just the way they are, yet holding on to the idea that each one of us can face sometimes hard stuff in order to become more fully ourselves. We're asked to love with all our hearts, souls and strength, and I think I do that - whether you've come to fix my leaky roof, or you're a lifelong friend. God can be in all places at once, but that is a bit beyond me, and so the working out continues...

Let me know what you think :)